The internet exploded over the weekend when Amber Rose posed for several pictures in a bikini that was barely holding her in, man (overheard: Muni) on a balcony. But the internet is hungry and demands to explode over and over again, so here are more pictures of "Stifler's Mom" in a bikini.
TMZ has snaps of Rose riding a jet ski while barely clothed and while the model remembered to put on a life jacket, she's not wearing much else. What if you crash into a fish, Amber Rose? How are you going to save yourself? Why are you not wearing appropriate safety gear? The last time I was on a paddle boat I put on a helmet, knee pads and a full-on leather outfit. I also fed popcorn to birds, which my partner told me was much more dangerous than actually falling into the four feet of murky water that Golden Gate park refers to as a lake. But me, I'm not a risk-taker. Amber Rose (I keep wanting to write "I supposed") after her name, clearly is.
Also: Her butt looks amazing and where can I get one? Is it all squats or is part of it genetics? Please say it's the latter so I don't have to go to the gym [TMZ]
Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Martin only split desserts, never their relationship. Listen, I have to report this stuff, but I don't have to like it and Jennifer Lawrence can do better. Really, Katniss Everdeen? You're going to date the dude who dances like he's been hit with nerve gas at his concerts because he's so into his own music? YOU ARE AN OSCAR WINNER AND I WILL JUDGE YOU UNTIL YOU DATE SOMEONE I'VE DEEMED APPROPRIATE TO MAKE LOVE TO VICARIOUSLY THROUGH TO YOU. Hae you considered Zefron? [People]
- Fergie and Josh Duhamel want to live like common people, they want to do whatever common people do. They want to sleep with common people, They want to sleep with common people like you. Here's 87 pictures for proof. [JustJared]
- Who is Dakota Johnson? Find out in next month's issue of Vogue! [Celebitchy]
- Ever wonder what's in Stevie Nicks' purse? Well, it's just crushed dreams that sound like sparkles and a poetry book full of WORDS and a photo of a goat she once loved twenty-toms odd years ago. [Us Weekly]
- Jana Duggar is 25 and single, so she's obviously "terrified of ending up alone"/being stoned to death The Lottery-style on her parents' compound if she hits 30 without finding a suitable mate. Gleeful reports suggest that either event (wedding or stoning) will be televised. [In Touch]
- Porsha Stewart tried to use the word "contradictory" in a sentence and failed miserably because she just screamed "you're such a contradictory" over and over, having no actual idea of how to use words or language good. When I watch the clip she reminded me a lot of my dad, who is a Russian immigrant and will use new words he learned in a sentence incorrectly until everyone around him wants to gouge their eyes out. "Man, you such an imply!" is one such sentence that still haunts me to this day. [Us]
- Will Arnett — sexy/terrifying— and his voice — terrifying sexy— are coming to Netflix/for you. [Pajiba]
- Jennifer Aniston is upset about something. Everyone else is pretending to be upset, too, because Jennifer Aniston is like that one friend you hope good things happen to and are always disappointed to when those things do not happen. Do you know what I mean? I still drink Smart Water, Jen! [PopSugar]
Are you as enthusiastic as I am that Monday happened? These ladies feel me.
Lead image via Instagram