Allure Fights Natural Aging Process, Prefers "Nice, Naive" Girls

Illustration for article titled emAllure/em Fights Natural Aging Process, Prefers Nice, Naive Girls

Allure's editors have made a shocking discovery: Whether you're slim or overweight, at some point, your face will start looking older. This month, they tried to recapture their youth by giving a Disney star and self-proclaimed "nice girl" the cover.


The first thing we thought when we saw Vanessa Hudgens on the cover was "her?" which, as it turns out, is appropriate, because the only entertaining part of the magazine was a brief interview with Alia Shawkat about Whip It, her first major role since Arrested Development (Fig. 1). Plus, at this point in her career, Hudgens may be wishing she was a "never nude." The High School Musical star is now 20, which means it's time for her to reject her squeaky-clean Disney image and transition into adult roles. Usually this is accomplished with a few women's magazine covers and maybe a racy Maxim shoot, but Hudgens has already been involved in a nude photo scandal. Thus, throughout her Allure interview Hudgens references various Disney princess movies and emphasizes that she's still sweet and "naive."

The rest of the magazine seems to feature even more ads than usual, but that's probably because the article on scientific beauty breakthroughs sounds like it was copied off the back of a shampoo bottle. As usual, to make sure those jars of anti-aging creams and gels (which Allure's own editor admits are pretty useless) really fly off the shelves, the magazine resorts to scare tactics. This month's aging horror story concerns identical twins who "look years apart." Though it looks like one twin was photographed in bad lighting, in most cases the magazine claims one twin's face looks worse than her sister's because she's overweight. While Catherine Deneuve is quoted as saying "after a certain age, a woman needs to choose between her face and her behind," the article explains that:

For women under 40 the effect turns out to be just the opposite: Extra pounds can obscure youthful features like a smooth jawline and cause facial features to sag.


By that logic, wouldn't the best anti-aging strategy be to stay slim until you hit 40 then start packing on the pounds? We're not sure why Allure's editors seem to think there's some scenario in which our faces aren't going to age in the next 60 years (or why that's so terrible). Another mystery: How did Allure find the sets of twins for this story? Who would call up their twin sister and say, "I know we're the exact same age, but I think you look much older than me. Want to be photographed for Allure?"

(Click the image below to make it larger.)

Illustration for article titled emAllure/em Fights Natural Aging Process, Prefers Nice, Naive Girls

Fig. 1

Illustration for article titled emAllure/em Fights Natural Aging Process, Prefers Nice, Naive Girls

Earlier: Allure Editor Defends Pushing Beauty Products That Don't Work

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Could that segue have been any clunkier? "Do you feel normal now?" "Yeah, my freckles don't make me cry as much now."

I think it's nice how they've dramatically de-emphasized Alia's freckles that she's learning to be okay with. As a redhead, I know that freckles are just hideous and horrifying and should be treated as flaws akin to disfiguring scarring. Thanks, Self!