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All-Woman Panel Has Some Great Ideas About Men's Sexual Health

Last week, Congressional Republicans assembled an all-male panel of experts to testify about why women's employers should be able to determine what kind of health care their insurance company can provide for them. Now, six comediennes have assembled to determine once and for all what men should do with their penises. It's only fair.


The all lady panel of dick experts recommends, among other things, that men roll up their genitals into a ball and carry them in a small sack, to minimize odor, that men having problems getting their penises to become erect should just shove an aspirin in the end until the organ becomes engorged with blood, and that boys between the ages of 14 and 23 should be sent away until the horniness subsides.

(Christina Anthony, Janel Benisch, Jen Cain, Ali Davis, Mishell Livio, and Jaime Moyer are performers with Chicago's Second City troupe, comedy home of the likes of Steve Carell, Amy Poehler, Stephen Colbert, and Tina Fey. With any luck, we'll be seeing one or more of these funny ladies on the SNL stage soon.)

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Motorized Mega-Satan

Man, now I feel like I should come up with some kind of slogan to fight back against these oppressive, anti-choice feminazis who are trying to tell us men what we should do with our reproductive organs.

First choice was "Hands Off My Penis!" but I don't think many men would endorse that particular message. So I'm going with "My Tackle = My Battle".

You're welcome, fellas. Together we can stop these gender warfare types from making decisions they have no real right to!!!