All Together Now, Everybody Say, "Goodbye, Heather"

Illustration for article titled All Together Now, Everybody Say, Goodbye, Heather

Over the past five weekdays, I've sat huddled with you here (metaphorically I mean), all of us bathed in the warm light of our computer screens, looking like we're actually working, when really were snortling at Terrence Howard's misogyny, Marie Claire writer Allison Glock's hypocrisy, reading long narrative nonfiction stories and snickering at Ann Coulter's Pornolized quotes. We laughed when Martha stuffed Rosie's face with trans-fats. ("Have you seen her eat a Ring Ding?"); we cried when commenter Flyoverstate wrote a heartwarming comment about being sick; and we were all grossed out by that picture of Moe's vagina. She'll be back tomorrow, by the way—providing she hasn't run away with one of those hot Israeli soldiers like they had in Munich—and so, without further ado, it is time for us to part. As TrixiefromToronto put it, "love you Jezebellers, I really do. Not just the women in charge but the Commenters. I LOVE ALL YOU GIRLS, AND YOU GAYS!" And now, after the jump, I will reveal my True Identity...

Illustration for article titled All Together Now, Everybody Say, Goodbye, Heather

Just kidding! I'll never tell!!!

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@Trixie from Toronto: Thanks. I actually wish I was as awesome as Heather. But alas, I'm not. I don't have the balls to post all by my lonesome, so I'm tag-teaming with another writer. You'll see very soon. Besides, if I HAD to pick a pseudonym, I'd not go by a regular-person name. I'd prolly pick a celeb baby name, a weird name for a pet, or perhaps I'd not be able to resist the temptation to work in a 'Purple Rain' reference and go by 'Appollonia'.

Also, being located so far from Jezebel's virtual HQ, I don't have access to Moe's vagina.

So give Heather some credit. She's the junk.