Before tonight I never knew about Alicia Kozakiewicz, who was locked in a Herndon computer programmer's basement he was deluded enough to call a "dungeon" and raped at age 13 in a traumatic crime that pretty much makes her the most disarmingly hot victim of anything I've ever seen, except maybe Valerie Plame, whose book I didn't realize was coming out Monday. I was also surprised today to learn a normal state like Maine would provide kids access to birth control pills three years before the age at which I got my first period when the number of sexually-active middle schoolers in Maine cannot possibly justify the inordinate amounts of shit the state, and all social liberals in this country, are going to get for this... unless it can??? Also eliciting the proverbial "hmmm" today: "Baby Jessica" is 21 years old and soon rich.... John McCain's mom is still alive and capable of standing... This Mukasey guy who's replacing Attorney General Gonzales seems kind of cool.... Congress's approval rating is worse than Bush's.... Bush is "relevant"

Also wasn't aware things were quite so bad at the one newspaper capable of selling itself to advertisers like a glossy "aspirational" magazine, or that it was possible, as in the case of Lindsay's new boyfriend, to look more attractive in a mug shot than real life. But I'm pretty sure that's it... you already knew the Cheneys were no fans of Hillary, Iran and Russia were no fans of ours and pretty much everyone except China likes the Dalai Lama along with the idea that all nukes are just environmentally-friendly sources of power. So why can't we all just.....etc. etc. See youse tomorrow folks!