"After My First Baby, I Felt No Desire For Sex"

Illustration for article titled "After My First Baby, I Felt No Desire For Sex"

Sometimes the mom blogosphere seems like an international conspiracy to halt the human race. Like the most recent episode of the video blog Momversations, in which four mom bloggers talk about sex after having a baby. "It took a really long time for me to feel like a woman…maybe a year, maybe more, maybe a couple years," says Nataly Kogan. Dooce's own Heather Armstrong admits that she didn't have sex for seven months after her daughter was born, and in an interesting analogy, Mindy Roberts says, "I've never seen a kitchen that turned out anything that was worth eating that didn't get all messy and icky in the process."Even though the panelists are depressing in their honesty, the commenters offer a ray of hope in a post-baby sex world. A commenter named greysons_mom says:

After an episiotomy and additional tearing, I could barely walk, let alone think of sex. But within two weeks, I was climbing the walls, trying to seduce my husband. He literally had to pull me off of him. I never made it to 6 weeks. I got him to cave at around 4 1/2.


Another commenter named Alex says:

I have found that the baby has increased our creativity - location and timing has become extra interesting. I credit my increased sexual desire to being confident in my body, although it has returned to pre pregnancy size, I still have war wounds - stretch marks (which I am learning to accept). I also credit my desire to a supportive and loving partner. I do think that this is different for every woman.

But then some of the comments were even more depressing than the video:

Here's some brutal honesty: after my first baby, I felt no desire for sex. Like many of you, I thought 'WHOA! Something's wrong with me.'

He's now two, and sadly, the mojo has not yet returned. I thought this was supposed to be my sexual prime! I am beginning to think I'm an outlier on the sexual bell curve. While it's reassuring to know that some other women are also experiencing a lag in a return to their pre-baby sex drives, I fear mine may be gone for good. I know that can't possibly be true, but it's been TWO YEARS, and we've only had sex maybe ten times! I seem to have lost even the ability to fantasize.

However, at the end of the day, it seems that this mom has the correct idea when she says, "It's different for every one, and every baby, just do what feels comfortable for your body." Sex After Baby [Momversation] Sex After Baby: "Objects Shift During Flight" [Babble] Earlier: What Should Jezebels Really Expect After They're Expecting: Sex Edition



No one has mentioned the fact that if one or two babies are sucking at your tits all day long, you may not want DH pawing at you at end of an exhausting day. That said, sex hurt like crazy for 8 mos post-Csections (2 - one was twins) but I sucked it up a once or twice a month for the sake of my cute husband, who was quite horny looking at my huge knockers.