Adele Is Pregnant, You Guys! Adele Is Pregnant!

Illustration for article titled Adele Is Pregnant, You Guys! Adele Is Pregnant!

Hey, look at that—Adele got pregnant! With a baby! Not, like, with a baby—not like she had sex with a baby and the baby impregnated her. That's not even possible, and also gross. Okay.....This piece took an uncomfortable turn right at the beginning, and for that I am sorry. But ANYHOOZ, what happened was that she made a baby with her boyfriend Simon Konecki and it's seeeeeeeew exciting!!! Adele announced the happy news on her website this morning: "I'm delighted to announce that Simon and I are expecting our first child together," she wrote. "I wanted you to hear the news direct from me, obviously we're over the moon and very excited but please respect our privacy at this precious time." Konecki, 36, who has a 5-year-old daughter from a previous marriage, is an entrepreneur, "committed to environmental justice," and goes by the nickname "Swampy." Yay for babies! Yay for Adele! Yay for Swampy! [E!] [Us]


Illustration for article titled Adele Is Pregnant, You Guys! Adele Is Pregnant!

Okay, so as I'm sure you've heard, Tom Cruise und Katie Holmes haben sich getrennt. Fünf Jahre, nachdem Cruise vor einem weltweiten Publikum mit einem Luftsprung auf Oprah Winfreys Couch seine uneingeschränkte Liebe zu der ehemaligen Darstellerin aus Dawson's Creek gestanden hatte, beendete Holmes nun ihre Ehe. I KNOW, RIGHT!?!!!?!?!?? But here is some other stuff for you to know: Katie Holmes filed for divorce in New York rather than California because it gives her a better chance of getting sole custody of Suri. Tom, meanwhile, may be mounting a case of his own out west. Two weeks ago Tom said, "I'm Very Lucky To Be Married to Katie Holmes," and it's been suggested that her divorce filing was a surprise. Also, they had a prenup, and Katie Holmes is probably going to get some money. Here's hoping that part of the prenup is "Keep Suri the fuck away from this shitshow." [E!] [TMZ] [E!] [Us] [E!] [People]

Illustration for article titled Adele Is Pregnant, You Guys! Adele Is Pregnant!

Did Lindsay Lohan go too far with her Terry Richardson gun-in-mouth photo shoot? Suicide prevention folks think so: "We are outraged that Lindsay Lohan and her support system [have] shown such ignorance and lack of care in her use of suicide as a promotional tool to attempt to gain public attention," says a representative from Hopeline, a suicide prevention hotline. "More importantly, she and the rest of the United States should know that using this type of modeling behavior in a public way could cause irreparable harm and even suicide by its cavalier use." Fucking Lohan. It's like everything she touches turns to douche. BE A RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING FOR FIVE SECONDS. [E!]

Illustration for article titled Adele Is Pregnant, You Guys! Adele Is Pregnant!

A gaggle of celebrities were invited to join the Academy today—including Matthew McConaughey, Melissa McCarthy, Jonah Hill, Kerry Washington, Jessica Chastain, Octavia Spencer, Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, Bryan Cranston, Sam Rockwell, Nia Vardalos, Lili Taylor, Tom Berenger, Clifton Collins, Jr., and Andy Serkis. As a hazing ritual, everyone gets a wedgie from the Right Honourable Lord Laurence Olivier. Then they all FUCK!!! [E!]

  • Sharon Stone went out without a bra and now everybody knows she has nipples. The whole 8th grade calls her "Nippy Longstocking"! She'll never live it down! [Radar]
  • Channing Tatum wore a dress on SNL so, naturally, E! pretends to be confused about whether or not he's a drag queen. [E!]
  • Lauryn Hill faces three years of jail time for not paying her taxes on purpose. [Crushable]
  • What? Some Kate Upton photos not designed to make straight men instantly and violently ejaculate? What is this—Afghanistan? [E!]
  • Charlie Sheen is threatening to file a defamation lawsuit against whoever "leaked" the "story" that he trashed a Vegas hotel room last weekend. To be fair, though, it could have just been a lucky throw at the "What Stupid Boring Bullshit Did Uncle Charlie Do This Week?" dartboard. [E!]
  • Marissa Jaret Winokur went camping, Troop Beverly Hills style. [People]
  • Jennifer Lawrence reportedly had a "flirty night out" at Medieval Times with John Mayer. First of all, ["gnawed on his turkey leg" joke]. Second of all, I know I'm wrong about this, but I just cannot bring myself to have a problem with John Mayer. I dislike his music, I'm pretty sure he's a crazy person, but mostly I just feel like he's joking, you know? I'm sorry. Don't be mad. [Us]
  • Here are some behind-the-scenes special effects and prosthetics from Game of Thrones, including Jory Cassel's eyeball-knife and Melisandre's merkin. (BTW, I'm still mad about all the emotional energy I invested in people like Jory Cassel back in book one. THAT SHIT IS HELLA IRRELEVANT NOW THAT I HAVE ALL THESE FUCKING YUNKAI'I TO KEEP TRACK OF.) [WinterIsComing]


I don't know what caused the random outbreak of German, but applause for you.