Actual Men Threatened By Sparkly Vampire

Illustration for article titled Actual Men Threatened By Sparkly Vampire

We all know how the women feel. What about their husbands?! As Details tells us, they don't get it.


As we now know, all women over 35 are obsessed with Edward Cullen. This 46-year-old apparently speaks for her entire sisterhood when she says "I dream about him. I dream explicit dreams about Edward. You can't put down what I dream about Edward. It is very, very erotic. It's not Rob Pattinson. It's Edward." Yeah, we know. We're well aware of how women feel about the 108-year-old teen and the poor sap who plays him. But how do the menfolk respond to all this adulation? Enter Details.

"A lot of guys tell me they think Edward's a stalker," says Kristina Hart, a 30-year-old Boeing employee. "I wouldn't mind being stalked by Edward." She's wearing a T-shirt that says, "Edward can BUST my headboard, BITE my pillows, and BRUISE my body any day!"

And there are more such tales of men's inability to appreciate Twilight's pull:

"My husband is totally unamused by this," Noble says. "He says Edward is a 17-year-old fictional character. But that's not how I think of it. I say he's a 108-year-old character."..."He doesn't get it," Robbins says. "That's what he told me yesterday. But with life so crazy, this is my escape- Twilight. Edward. Men get into that comfortable rut once the relationship is there. Life gets so busy&" She trails off, then adds, "Men and women both, they lose that need to impress each other."

That said, all the women feel that "there's a little bit of Edward in every guy" if you dig, but it seems unlikely that the dudes are going to bother to find out, let alone read the "7 Lessons Guys Can Learn from Edward Cullen" posted (by a woman) on YouTube. Although one guy in the piece is about as close as a Twi-hard mom is likely to find. Even if it means seriously torturing his sons.

Jim Roden, a 37-year-old Navy reservist from Oregon who's about to ship off to Afghanistan, made a pilgrimage to Forks with his two young sons and his 33-year-old wife, Dawn. This whole Edward thing-Roden's given it some serious thought. "The seduction aspect of it, that forbidden romance, that hint of danger and intrigue-most of the girls dig that stuff, and most of the guys are not able to pan it out on a daily basis," he says. "It makes you think: Why can't I ante up and do those kinds of things? Have I slipped a little? Have I gotten a little too comfortable? When was the last time I bought her flowers? Or took her out? When was the last time I was spontaneous?" Roden's on a roll. "Being married doesn't give you a free pass to let yourself go. If it takes some silly little girls' book to remind you, that's kind of sad, but you've got to keep plugging away at it," he says. "And an occasional bite on the neck can't hurt."


That said, if the piece is any guide, most guys seem unlikely to break out the glitter any time soon. On the other hand, given that a sidebar invites readers to "star in your own photo shoot with Adam Lambert," perhaps there's hope yet.

So the Woman You Love Has the Hots for a Vampire. What Does That Say About You? [Details]

"Twilight" Of Our Youth [Salon]


Related:Older Women Crave 'New Moon' Vampires [CNN]
‘Twilight,' Take Me Away! [New York]

Earlier: "...I Had More Sex When I Was Reading Twilight Than In The Entire Few Months Before"


HRH Your Cuntness

I wonder if Edward Cullen is going to be the Lloyd Dobbler of the new generation. That is, I wonder if men will start thinking that what women REALLY want is a guy who'll sneak into their bedroom, be moody and uncommunicative, try to make their decisions for them, and continuously say things like "when I get around you, I want to be violent. Cause I love you so much."

I only had to deal with idiots calling all the time and lifting up their boomboxes outside my window in the middle of the night. I feel sorry for the girls who are going to deal with a decade of Cullens. #twilightmen