Illustration for article titled According To A Leading Celebrity Matchmaker, Only Black Men Date Crackheads

And the award for the most flagrant expenditure of newspaper interactive graphics department time goes to USA Today for Dating Game wherein you can click on one celeb bachelorette, click on a celeb bachelor, and hear what self-professed "high end discreet" Matchmaker, Publicity Queen and Master Observer Of The Human Condition Samantha Daniels has to say about your choice. But those crazy USAT guys could not resist having a little fun with Sammy, which is why they put a crackhead on the list of eligible bachelorettes. After the jump, listen to some of the reasons that totally don't rhyme wiht "face" that Sammy gives for nixing John Stamos and Travis Barker of Blink-182 as suitable mates for a Bobby-free Whitney.


Whitney + Matthew McConaughey!!!
"I don't think so, I don't see her surfing."

Whitney + Travis Barker of Blink-182!!
"Not a match at all. Whitney needs stability right now, not another party guy."


Whitney + John Stamos
"Nope. She's not into Full Houses."

Uh, what? Sam Doll, we know crackheads, and they totally heart full houses, as long as they're crackhouses!

But wait! There's hope yet!!

Whitney + Jamie Foxx!!
"Could be perfect. A fun man with a stabilizing presence."


Ouch! So, what do you readers think? Think Sammy is a huge fucking bigot? Or that she's just super mad at Jamie Foxx for dissing Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls? Yeah, we thought so.

Dating Game [USA Today]

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