Absolute Worst Asshole Ever Trolls Cemetery Dressed as a Clown

Some complete and total jerkface is sneaking around a cemetery in New York dressed as a super creepy clown is hiding in Brooklyn's historic Green-Wood Cemetery, trying to "surprise" unsuspecting cemetery-goers.

Why, why, why, WHY would you do this? If you made a deal with Satan to sell your sell for all eternity by doing the worst, most damaging thing to humanity and you offered to do this, even Beelzebub would go "OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" This is just shitty and horrible and there is no justification for it.

Apparently clown marketing is a "thing," because assholes completely control society now apparently. Via Anna Merlan at the Village Voice:

Back in March, we as a city dealt with the Staten Island Clown, who obviously turned out to be the brainchild of a small-time film production company. Last year, Northampton, England dealt with a similarly terrifying weirdo, who dubbed himself "Spot" and, until June, maintained a Facebook page.


South Slope News wrote that it received the pictures from a fellow who describes himself on Twitter as a "visual artist/curator." He told South Slope that the clown is "definitely haunting" the cemetery, adding, "He was very timid and ran away whenever I got closer. I did find a Build a Bear bag nearby where I found him that had a womans umbrella and a bag of fritos [sic]... very strange."



Before you get completely freaked out and move into a monastery in the Swiss Alps as a way of protecting yourself from this most gruesome and dark evil, the cemetery says this is all just a bunch of bullshit.

Green-Wood staff has no information about this individual and has not seen him nor have any lot owners or visitors reported a sighting. When and if he is spotted, he will be immediately escorted from the premises.

Whoever the brave, beautiful soul is who spots a clown lurking around some graves holding balloons and tries to "escort" him from the premises is a goddamn hero. If you can manage to approach a clown hanging out in a graveyard without peeing your pants and begging for your mother, you should probably be instantly elected President of the United States or something. That's guideline we should use to evaluate all of society's leaders—how willing are they to walk up to clowns in cemeteries and take firm action? In this humble writer's opinion, that is the true measure of greatness

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People think clown phobias are so fucking funny. I am a very non-violent person, but I have physically attacked (and was luckily restrained before I did any harm) people I care/cared about when the messed with my clown phobia. These assholes are really banking on a terrified coulrophobic *not* having a weapon or being physically stronger than them, aren't they?