Welcome to our latest crap attack. Ellie: beautiful, mid-twenties, Brooklyn, hipster-with-class, works at a gallery, obscenely well-read, man magnet, thin, heart of gold... yeah, fuck her, right? Done! She meets dashing Brian at a work party and learns very quickly that he's a sloppy kisser. (Also, gay.) But such a romantic! And rich! He woos her with expensive dinners, amorous gestures, and in the first week of dating, an impulsive trip โ€” oh yes! โ€” to the top of the Empire State Building! From which there is nowhere to go but, well, you know already! Hellbent on being exclusive, Brian begins to act a little controll-y. Also: not so nice to waitstaff. (Also: house music! In the morning??) The week of Valentine's Day 2006, he stops returning all calls, emails, texts. In late February, he emails about his purple Dolce & Gabbana shirt and Madonna CD. She leaves them downstairs. Then sometime around mid-spring...

Ellie,

I'm sorry, I can certainly see how my message might have been confusing. I heard that your wisdom teeth removal hadn't gone entirely smoothly and it made me feel like I really needed to text you or email or something.

The text was actually just about that, though I think it was probably motivated by all sorts of things.

Obviously I don't want to date, but I had started to feel badly that I really had been kind of a jerk to you and when I heard that you were having trouble with the operation as well, I just felt like I should say something. The reason I stopped communicating was that I felt like you were pushing for a more serious relationship and I didn't feel comfortable with that. This might not be true, but I didn't really know how to deal with it. Despite all that, you're still a great person and I'm sorry that I just kind of stopped talking completely. Some of that had nothing to do with you (I had some personal shit going on), but regardless, it seems to me now like it might have been unnecessarily hurtful and for that I am truly sorry.

Does that make any kind of convoluted sense?

I hope your teeth feel better and I'm sorry that I ended our thing in a less-than terrific way. You're a great person and I'm sorry that I didn't end things in a nicer way.