We'll say it again: God bless the message boards of TheKnot.com. If not for it, where would poor, tormented brides like "Mrowdy" have to go to work out their like reallyreallyreally big problems with a community of anonymous frenemies? See, "Mrowdy" is getting married and having, like, 20 gajillion attendants in her wedding and told her fiance he had to do the same to, y'know, keep the symmetry. Only then the fiance went and picked Mrowdy's BFF's ex to be his best man, a guy she also almost made out with once. (Whoops!)
So, FI and I were talking last night about who we are going to have in the wedding. I told him my BFF is going to be My MOH, my other 3 closest friends and 2 of my cousins are going to be BMs, and 2 of my little cousins are going to be Junior Bridesmaids. So, I told him that means he will have a best man, 5 groomsmen, and 2 junior groomsmen. Fine, he says, but he doesn't know if he can or wants to find that many of his friends to be in the wedding. But, that's another story. Then he tells me he wants his friend, let's call him John, to be his best man. I about FREAKED! John has a bad reputation in our circle. My BFF is married now, but she had a long history with John, who treated her very poorly. John has treated everyone he ever went out with poorly. When he was with my BFF, he tried to make out with me once when I was drunk. It caused a problem between me and my BFF for a while until I convinced her that nothing happened. I DO NOT WANT JOHN IN OUR WEDDING, MUCH LESS AS THE BEST MAN!!! WHAT WILL WE DO ABOUT HIM WALKING OUT WITH MY BFF, THE MOH???? Anyway, I didn't say anything last night but I did give him a strange look. I know he and 'John' have beenfriends for a long time, but John is like a black sheep as far as my friends are concerned. How can I tell FI that I don't want John in our wedding?
And what did the others approaching wedded bliss have to say in reply? First the gays weighed in:
So many things wrong with this post...where to begin.Let's start with your actual question. FI gets to choose his best man, and it looks like he did so based on his relationship with the guy. "John's" relationship with other people does not come into play here. If your MOH can't suck it up for one day for her BFF, she sucks. Second, Just because you're having 7 or 8 people on your side does not mean he has to do the same. Third, WTF is a Junior bridesmaid. Either they're bridesmaids or they're not. Junior simply implies that you think they're inferior to the others because they're younger. Do you really want them to know you feel that way about them? And now you're making FI do the same to a couple of young boys so your sides will match? Not good.
"Fenton" had this to say:
OMG, I am laughing hysterically at this post! Symmetry is cuter! She must have symmetry! WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN! And best man is a bad seed for trying to kiss her when they were 16 and both single. And she remembers this and doesn't consider it a funny childhood memory! Oh god, tears are flowing. Bless your doomed 21 year old soul.
You're kidding me right? If not, sounds like you need to grow up. How is it OK for you to tell him who he can and cannot have in the wedding? In all fairness, if it's going to cause such a problem, why don't you make someone else your MOH?
"Katie.i.do" wasn't much more sympathetic:
The way I see it, you caused this problem for yourself by insisting that he pick so damn many groomsmen.Lie in that bed you made sister.
And neither was "BelhurstBride":
Are you freakin kidding me? That is the most immature, ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. If this is how the two of you still behave in a relationship you should seriously reconsider if you are ready for a marriage.
Finally "samfish2bcrab" came along and cut to the chase:
You are a tool.
Thank you, samfish, we couldn't have said it better ourselves!
Planning and Etiquette Message Board [TheKnot.com]