A Thanksgiving Smorgasbord of Sexy

Thanksgiving combines two things that are awesome but riddled with double entendres: eating and watching American football. Let’s celebrate them in combination with a cornucopia of hot football players who we would mind basting our turkey.

I am thankful for Larry Fitzgerald.

Darren Sharper’s astronomical handsomeness could bring enemies to the same table for a Unifying Celebration of Chiseled Features.

Mark Sanchez should make a sexy pilgrimage to my loins.

Troy Polamalu’s hair deserves its own Aaron Copeland penned song that will be later co-opted by the American Beef Council.

The Washington Redskins’ Donovan McNabb is classy as shit. Also, I wanted to post another picture of Larry Fitzgerald, who is so attractive that he makes me feel patriotic.

Matt Ryan of the Atlanta Falcons is a quarterback I’m morally obligated to support because we share the same last name. I hope we’re not related, as my wanting him to march all over my Thanksgiving Day Parade (if you know what I mean) is therefore rendered weirder/creepier than it already is.

Miles Austin of the Dallas Cowboys gets everyone’s Mayflower safely through stormy seas.

Full disclosure: I went to college with Ryan Grant. We were in the same grade. I didn’t know him, but we had friends in common, so this is a little awkward, but damn, Ryan. You got ultra sexy after college, even though you play for Green Bay, the tacky oversized buckle hat of the NFL.

Obligatory “Awwww” post featuring Tony Gonzalez and his lucky-ass family. Adopt me, Tony!

Wes Welker is really awesome with pie. All kinds of pie.

Perennial Jezebel favorite Scott Fujita with one of the luckiest women in the world.

I’d like to invite Ben Leber of the Minnesota Vikings to provide the stuffing.

Lest we alienate our readers who prefer the ladies (and our European audience who probably is fucking sick and tired of hearing about an American holiday that has evolved to basically celebrate eating a lot with people you can’t be yourself around), here’s a shot of gorgeous Swedish women’s soccer player Jessica Landström.

And, for you non-American football fan lovers of dudes, here’s your boyfriend Fernando Torres.

And these dudes. Remember these dudes? Candied sweet potatoes are soccer players attractive.