A Guide to Understanding Miley Cyrus's New 'Wrecking Ball' Video

Miley Cyrus’s new music video for her song “Wrecking Ball” will go down in history as one of the more important pieces of art to have ever been created. And one day, we will truly understand why Cyrus chose to include herself in an impressive roster of artists who have also titled their songs “Wrecking Ball”, notably Emmylou Harris, Neil Young, Gillian Welch and Bruce Springsteen. Unfortunately for Miley, right now, her song is bound to be misunderstood by the public, like all her work is. Let us help you understand it.

What Miley does:

Cries.

What it means:

Miley has been in a hard relationship that ended badly. She is getting ready to tell you about it. She wants to make it clear that she is still alive.

What Miley does:

Holds a Sledgehammer while braless (?) in a wifebeater, brown Doc Martins and white underwear.

What it means:

Miley was in a relationship with this Sledgehammer. They were very close. They still are, in a way. They went through so much together, you see.

What Miley does:

Rubs face with Sledgehammer. Licks Sledgehammer.

What it means:

Things with the Sledgehammer were good when they were good. Their sexual chemistry was off-the-charts fantastic.

What Miley does:

Straddles and rides on the Wrecking Ball that the song is devoted to.

What it means:

Unfortunately for all parties involved, things got difficult with Sledgehammer. The passion died and only the bitter, angry fights at 2 am remained. So Miley had to resort to her old friend, the Wrecking Ball (SONG TITLE) to get her rocks off. That the Wrecking Ball was battery operated and therefore not super environmentally-friendly wasn’t ideal, but it did the trick.

What Miley does:

Rubs her nude form against the chain of said wrecking ball while still straddling it. Doc Martins are still on.

What it means:

Miley and her Wrecking Ball got very close. Maybe too close. She worried what people would think about her latest objectum sexual relationship but soon realized that she didn’t care that the outside world would whisper about her. It didn’t matter that she was rebounding too quickly with the Wrecking Ball and that her former partner Sledgehammer would get all the sympathy. Fuck him.

What Miley does:

Uses Hammer to tear down the fake concrete block walls surrounding her.

What it means:

But Miley and the Hammer did a lot of damage together, damage that began to affect her new, carefree and passionate love affair with Wrecking Ball.

What Miley does:

Lies on the broken fake concrete blocks, tired and sad.

What it means:

All this sex is very tiring. Miley’s worn out and needs a quick cat nap. Stand by.

What Miley does:

Cries.

What it means:

Unfortunately her antics wore her out so much she started to cry. Sex with Sledgehammer and Wrecking Ball was not all fun and games. She needed to choose one and she didn’t know what to do.

What Miley does:

Lies on the broken fake concrete blocks, atop Sledgehammer, post-orgasmic.

What it means:

Miley makes her final choice: it’s Sledgehammer or nothing. Wrecking Ball is seen slowly exiting the scene, the damage he did to their trust as clear as the thick smoke that emanates from a fake concrete brick that has been demolished.

What Miley does:

“Directed by Terry Richardson”

What it means:

Were Miley and Sledgehammer able to make their love last? How is Wrecking Ball doing? Is this the greatest love triangle of our time? And who is this Terry Richardson? Stay tuned to find out more on BANGERZ, out October 8 at a Sam Goody near you.