"A Free, Fluid, Energetic, Sensual Walk": Details From The Gait/Orgasm Study

Illustration for article titled A Free, Fluid, Energetic, Sensual Walk: Details From The Gait/Orgasm Study

Thanks to several intrepid readers, we now have a copy of "A Woman's History of Vaginal Orgasm is Discernible from Her Walk," the study we discussed earlier today. As you might expect, it's chock-full of obnoxious. The study opens with a quote from Virgil: "The goddess was discovered by her gait." As if the idea of trained sexologists rating your walk wasn't creepy enough, this quote basically invites us to view the study as a method for identifying "sex goddesses." Meaning: women who orgasm from peen alone, because other women are lesser in all sorts of ultra-scientific ways!Turns out the study does make a distinction between "vaginal orgasm" and "clitoral orgasm." Vaginal orgasm is defined as orgasm resulting from "penile buffeting of the cervix" (hottest description of sex we've read all day) and not by clitoral stimulation. The study alleges that because more nerves and hormones are involved in cervix-buffeting action, vaginal orgasms are better for "sexual satiety and mental health." Women who can orgasm vaginally also apparently less likely to use "immature psychological defense mechanisms" like converting psychological problems into physical ailments. So how did those sexologists determine whether a woman could achieve this sexual gold standard? "The basis for judgment was the global impression of the women's free, fluid, energetic, sensual manner of walking." Judging the sensuality of a woman's walk sounds like a job for scientists at Maxim University, but it is worth noting that the scientists were accurate over 80% of the time in judging whether a woman could have a vaginal orgasm. What does this mean? It means that in a study population of sixteen Belgian university students, a particular sexual response may be associated with a particular walk. What the scientists have added to this somewhat interesting revelation are value judgments — a "free, fluid, energetic, sensual" walk, "immature defense mechanisms." They even say that their study may support the notion that "muscle blocks" are related to "impairment of sexual and character function." Basically the whole study hinges on the rather Freudian notion that some behaviors are more "mature" than others, and that if we don't walk sensually we might have a malfunctioning character. But there's hope! The authors note that they misidentified two women as vaginally orgasmic who actually were not. They may have just been wrong, they admit, but "it might be that the women have the capacity for vaginal orgasm, but have not yet had sufficient experience or met a man of sufficient quality to induce vaginal orgasm." Yes, men, this study has something for you to feel bad about too. If your partner can't come, it's probably because your "quality" sucks. Better get to a quality therapist right away. Earlier: Something In The Way She Moves: Does A Woman's Gait Predict Her Orgasmic Ability?

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I thought this nonsense had been debunked ages ago. I mean, all that "immature woman" crap was invented by Freud. Like, the ORIGINAL shrink. It's been well over a century, people.