A Congealed Mass of Impacted Fat Has Broken Chelsea Sewers

More good news from England, everyone! Not only is the Duchess Kate about to have a baby, but Fatberg, a 10-ton mass of lumpy fat globules and the bloated and soiled remains of wet wipes, has been removed from a Chelsea sewer…which it had just broken.

Fatbergs are not as uncommon as you might think. The Guardian reports that while this one may have been problematic, other fatbergs, also made up of the ghosts of butt-wipings past, have had to be removed from other areas of London in the past. And they were even bigger and more terrifying than the shit-smeared monstrosity that just broke the pipes in Chelsea.

In 2013 a fatberg weighing 15 tonnes was found in Kingston, and last year workers spent four days clearing an 80-metre-long fatberg from underneath Shepherds Bush Road.

Thames Water began battling the Chelsea fatberg – which had been lurking two metres under Draycott Avenue and Walton Street – in March. So far the company has replaced 22 metres of broken sewer with new piping, with another 17 metres left.

Authorities are asking people to stop flushing wet wipes down the toilet because teams of trained professionals are now having to dig down and fix the sewers by hand, which is probably not that fun and doesn’t provide one with as many interesting stories for parties as you might think. Sure, I’d love to hear the story of one hand-removed fat pile from a sewer (just like I’m open to hearing one to two stories about digital disimpaction) but how many times can someone tell you about accidentally inhaling a blob of crusted over fat before you get bored and need to go get another drink?