Every super hero needs an arch nemesis. Batman has the Joker, Wonder Woman has Cheetah; the badder the bad guy, the gooder the good guy looks. That's why we've got to hand it to Rick Perry — his cartoonish villainy made Wendy Davis look extra-heroic. But is Rick Perry too good at being a bad? Here's why I'm starting to think he's an actual comic book villain made flesh.
He's a prominent member of a scary religious culty organization who often speaks at rallies for zealots.
Rick Perry is a religious nut who is tight with the leaders of IHOP (that ultracreepy Christian evangelical organization) and delivered a 13-minute prayerspeech at The Response, a 2011 megachurch rally so huge it was held in a stadium. This week, he spoke at the National Right to Life conference. Never is Rick Perry scarier than when he gets behind the podium. Think Lex Luther speaking to Lexcorp shareholders. Think Bane in prison. But, uh, with a lobotomy.
The leathery skin. The deeply creased flesh. He's basically Pruneface from Dick Tracy.
He took that really bitchy crack at Wendy Davis (Super Hero) at the National Right to Life Convention the other day, and today responded to pushback about his comments by saying he was actually paying her a compliment. Congratulations on not being aborted, he was saying. Because that's the sort of thing a non-comic book villain would say.
His weird obsession with Christmas
Earlier this month, Perry signed a bill nicknamed the "Merry Christmas Law." Not because kids were outlawed from saying Merry Christmas, but because, as Perry said, the constitution guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion. But holiday-obsession isn't just a thing that Rick Perry does; a couple of the lesser-known Batman villains, Calendar Man and the Holiday Killer, were also weirdly into holidays. Gimmick-wise, it's pretty solid.
He's just ridiculous enough to not be completely terrifying
Like the Green Goblin from Spider-Man, he's too fucking goofy to be all that scary. Check out this picture of himself in scuba gear that he Tweeted after he dropped out of the Presidential race.
He never wins the day
His scary-at-first run at the White House in 2012 turned him into a national laughingstock; when he had his moment to seize victory, he froze up and forgot how the answer to a question about what he, Rick Perry, would do as President. It was painful to watch. Like when Loki continually gets his ass handed to him by Thor.
He's irritatingly resilient
No good villain is easily vanquished; if they were, they'd just be henchmen. Hence, it makes sense that despite all his public ass kickings, despite his multiple defeats, he keeps coming back for more. Luckily, the gig's up, and when he tries to pull his next stunt, we'll be ready.
Image by Cole Weathers