March can be a cruel month, sulking on the precipice of spring but full of winter's leftover discharge, with little to speak for other than the promise of green beer and general sadness. March Madness is pretty much the only thing saving the entire month from being thrown off the calendar. So without any further delay, this is Jezebel's fourth annual March Madness tournament, wherein we completely ignore whatever is going on with the NCAA and focus instead on resolving greater cultural disputes. After tournaments revolving around Pie vs. Cake, Cats vs. Dogs and Sex vs. Chocolate, we've decided to battle, literally, for the decades: 80s vs. 90s.
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It was extremely difficult for the Selection Committee to narrow down two decades to just 32 competition-worthy elements — who's to decide that cocaine and The Cosby Show are any more or less 80s-esque than, say, acid-washed jeans or Back to the Future? The Selection Committee, that's who. And make no mistake, a long and sleepless weekend was spent underground in our special bracket bunker, where the Committee was sequestered with bug out bags full of nostalgia.
It was an impossible task from the get-go, one without clear answers or obvious choices. Which means that not everything about this bracket — what's on it, what's not — will necessarily make you happy. You may find that your most beloved toy or song or television show has not been deemed fit for competition, but the Selection Committee has made its decisions and they will stand. The bracket is final; complaints will only you deplete you of the energy you'll need to make it through this tournament.
We must play the hand we are dealt. If the selections or seeding don't make sense, you're thinking too hard.
Starting tomorrow, we'll have two matches, one from each conference. You'll cast your vote, and the winner will move forward to the next round. Gameplay will occur on all weekdays, and the voting period will last for 24 hours.
Everyone ready? Let's do this.