It's been a pretty terrible week for the singing blueberry muffin society has decided to call "Justin Bieber". First, his birthday party sucked. Then, fans chided him for showing up late to a show in London. Just when it seemed like things couldn't possibly get any worse, Biebs goes right ahead and collapses in the middle of a performance at London's O2 Arena.

Don't worry! It turned out that after a quick once-over from some friendly (and super polite) British EMTs, a healthy dose of the life-giving oxygen that we so often take for granted, and, most importantly, the ceaseless cheering of a stark raving mad audience, Biebs returned to the stage to finish the show, which must, no matter the circumstances, go on. Afterwards, he was ferried to a local hospital where a barber bled Biebs of all his bodily impurities. [E!]

While filming her E! show Fashion Police today, Kelly Osbourne suffered a seizure, and was promptly rushed to a Los Angeles-area hospital. Nails were bitten and stress hives sprouted all over normally clear complexions. It turns out, however, that we have nothing to worry about. According to Fashion Police co-hosts Joan and Melissa Rivers, "Everything's fine" with Kelly.

That may be true now, but, for several harrowing moments, the live audience that sits for tapings of Fashion Police was treated to the fairly horrific spectacle of Kelly Osbourne convulsing on the floor of the studio, which probably made them feel helpless, as if none of modern medicine's discoveries mattered and they were just a helpless ancient people in the Athenian agora watching an Olympian smite some unlucky mortal. [ET, Extra]

According to boring legal documents filed by Demi Moore in response to Ashton Kutcher's divorce petition, Demi Moore is loaded, way more loaded than Ashton Kutcher. It's therefore quite surprising to TMZ that the actress is not only asking for Kutcher to pay her legal fees, but that she's also asking him to pay spousal support. She'll only accept the money in nickels and Kutcher must give Moore the full spousal support amount one nickel at a time in his underpants. [TMZ]

The cover of this week's Entertainment Weekly features Michael Douglas and Matt Damon looking fabulously gay as Liberace and Guy Who Makes Sweet Love To Liberace. Damon gabbed to EW all about the metal thongs and spray tans he got to wear while filming the Liberace biopic, and mentioned that, no big deal or anything, a doggy style sex scene between him and Michael Douglas only took ONE take:

As for their sex scenes together (and trust us, the movie has plenty), Damon and Douglas both say that shooting a moment of passion is always awkward, no matter who's involved. "The scene where I'm behind him and going at him, we did that in one take," recalls Damon, laughing. "We do it. Cut. There's a long pause. And then you just hear Steven go, "Well… I have no notes."

You may now express your astonishment in the form of a drawn-out whistle. [D-Listed]

A few more details have oozed out of your girlfriend Taylor Swift's Vanity Far interview. Like, for instance, the fact that T-Swizzle has "a framed photograph of that moment at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards when Kanye West interrupted her" hanging in her home. Every night, Swift pulls up a leather upholstered chair in front of the photo, raises a snifter full of brandy to her lips, considers the infinite "accidents" that might befall a performer like Kanye West while he's on tour, and fills her halls with the sound of maniacal laughter. [Vulture]

Rumor has it that Ryan Lochte and Ryan Lochte's "biggest crush since childhood" Carmen Electra were sloppily making out at Bootsy Bellows in Hollywood. A keen-eyed witness reports:

They were in a booth together and he had his arm around her and they were kissing on the lips. At one point, they were standing up and kissing and everyone saw them.

The witness (who really ought to learn to mind his/her own business) added that the pair did not leave together, but is almost positive, based on absolutely nothing, that they'll see each other again. [E!]

  • Somebody decided it'd be a great idea to photograph a shirtless Vin Diesel flexing his pectorals, grimacing, and holding a leashed leopard. The leopard seems mildly confused, but still game. [TMZ]
  • Matthew Fox doesn't like One Direction, sez Matthew Fox, but nobody cares because Lost ended forever ago and that Alex Cross movie was mega stupid. [E!]
  • Chris Brown is still mega pissed at Drake. [E!]
  • Remember that picture of Eddie Redmayne flashing his freckles in a how-to-knit handbook called Denim People? No? Well, your Aunt Marjorie does, and she was way into knitting and Eddie Redmayne before everyone else was. [E!]
  • Shia LeBeouf and his girlfriend Mia Goth went to Olive Garden for one of the never-ending pasta bowls those North Dakota foodies are always raving about. [Us]
  • Noted Scientologist Giovanni Ribisi is once again teaming up with noted smarm-machine Seth MacFarlane for a movie about two sheep fuckers, er, farmers, sorry. [Deadline]
  • Have you purchased your Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie wine yet? No? Well, it looks like you're fucked — all 6,000 bottles were sold within five hours. [People]
  • Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Thomas will be having girl, says the one-eyed gypsy who held a necklace over Hilaria Thomas' outstretched hand and watched it swing slowly in a circle. (Also, the baby is cursed now, soooo...) [Us]
  • Miley Cyrus may have said that she and Liam Hemsworth are still getting married, but last night she appeared in public sans engagement ring. You may now commence gasping sequence. [TMZ]