Woot! After a five-month leave of absence to undergo a bone marrow transplant for a rare blood disorder, Robin Roberts has returned to Good Morning America, opening with: "I have been waiting 174 days to say this: 'Good Morning America." She added: "I keep pinching myself and I realize this is real. This is actually happening, and I don't have my froggy slippers on, or do I? Faith, family and friends have brought me to this moment and I am so full of gratitude."

Roberts seems in damn good spirits because she's a brave-ass lady. Case in point: although her doctors don't necessarily sanction her ambitious jump back into the media fray, but she's interviewing Michelle Obama on the 26th. President Obama and FLOTUS taped a Welcome Back message for Roberts that GMA aired, in which the President says that he's glad that she's "back doing what [she] does best." Hillary Clinton and Oprah Winfrey also welcomed Roberts back. This kind of killed me:

Heeding her doctors' caution that her immune system is still rebuilding, the "GMA" team refrained from the hugs or high-fives they clearly would like to have shared.

[USA Today, NYDN, NYT]

Prince William is being overprotective and kind of adorable if you're NOT Kate Middleton, but he's annoying the fuck out of Kate Middleton. He's going overboard trying to shield her from "weird diseases" and took the romance out of their Mustique vacation by spraying everything with antibacterial stuff and having extra security detail follow them everywhere:

"His paranoia was driving Kate quite mad, but she went along with his demands - until the day he forbade her to join her family for a fun night out at a local bistro. He told her he was fearful because he wouldn't be able to inspect the way her food was being prepared! While Kate truly appreciates William's concern, his overprotective ways definitely put a bit of a damper on the vacation."

[Showbiz Spy]

A picture circulated on Instagram recently of (perhaps?) Miley Cyrus surrounded by smoke with the artful caption "High as fuck," posted by the username "mileyxxcyrus." Will the real Miley Cyrus please stand up?! asked everybody/Eminem in 2000. She did so by taking to Twitter to inform us that she does not, in fact, have an Instagram. Also:

Look inside yourself and ask the honest question: Why AM I tripping? The answer... may surprise you. [Fanshare, E!]

Scarlett Johansson wore a pear-shaped diamond ring outside and now the Internet thinks she might be engaged to her boyfriend, 57-year-old Parsippany life insurance salesman Kevin Schmeeble. (JK: 30-year-old French journalist Romain Dauriac.) However, she recently told Elle UK: "I never think about marriage. Is that weird?" Nope! Especially not since she gets to ogle Benjamin Walker's above-butt dimples every night on Broadway. Add a guilt-free daily log of goat cheese and that's what heaven is. [NYDN]

Aside from being completely unrecognizable at Fashion Week a la Jennifer Grey post-nose job, Ashlee Simpson has been displaying some "out of control behavior" since her parents' split and the Joe Simpson gay rumors. Specifically, she went to L.A.'s Pink Taco, had a few shots, and grinded (ground?) on some guys. [Radar Online]

Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are really in foreverlove and it's because they didn't fuck it up with the dumbass institution of marriage. (Which is admittedly a nice idea but completely impractical. Like tying a bunch of balloons to a chair and sitting in it and waiting to float away. Does that make any sense?) [Radar Online]

  • Turns out Lindsay Lohan's still single and soooo relatable! Just one of those "AHH, why am I still single LOL!" Eating chocolate! Reading Cathy comics! Reading chocolate! Eating Kathy comics!" normal, relatable girls! [TMZ]
  • You know, just one of those $500,000 for promoting an energy drink in Dubai kind of girls! [Herald Sun]
  • We get it, will.i.am. You like hideous cars. [TMZ]
  • Matthew Broderick yelled at a dude who was taking pictures during his performance in "Nice Work if You Can Get It." (Whereas Ferris Bueller would have grinned roguishly and started singing Wayne Newton because nihilism!) [Page Six]
  • Adam Levine and his model girlfriend are having relationship problems. There's something about the guy that I just don't like. He's so slithery, nahmean? [Page Six]
  • The alliances of middle-aged gay men/my mother, in turmoil: Barry Manilow and Bette Midler have been feuding for years and may be patching it up now. [Page Six]
  • Like exes since the beginning of time, Taylor Swift and Harry Styles are avoiding each other. [Page Six]
  • Mario Lopez impregnated his wife Courtney for the second time and now she's growing a tiny person and shit. [L.A. Times]
  • Kate Bosworth is doing some "multimedia project" for Topshop that makes me feel tired and old. [Telegraph UK]
  • Oh Christ almighty. Jessica Simpson wants to name her baby Ace. [Us Weekly]
  • Kim Kardashian borrowed one of your weird high school drama teacher's shawls and waved it around in a magazine. Sorry she swaggerjacked you, Mrs. Anzuini. [Us Weekly]
  • Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is so unsurprisingly beautiful it makes me want to puke everywhere. [Us Weekly]
  • Naomi Campbell's never really worried about her weight. [People]
  • Mary J. Blige isn't paying her rent. :-|||| [NYDN]
  • Rihanna's doing a MAC makeup line since that River Island fashion gig went so well. [Elle UK]
  • Ron Jeremy and Ron Jeremy's penis were released from the hospital. [Toronto Sun
  • Chris Bosh's wife Adrienne once conned her then-boyfriend Lil Wayne into giving her $10,000 by telling him that she had cancer. Eep! [NYDN]
  • "It was a shitty situation and it sucked," says Vanessa Hudgens tells Paper Mag about her nude photo leak of yore. [Gossip Cop]
  • Mila Kunis hints once again that she wants to play Ana in 50 Shades of Grey. [Entertainmentwise]
  • Clive Davis pulled one of those "not really an apology but I'm sorry YOU feel that way" infuriating things on Kelly Clarkson as a response to her issues about scenes in his memoir. [Just Jared]
  • Kristen Wiig and Seth Rogen will guest-star on Arrested Development! [Just Jared]
  • And Wiig will play (wait for it) YOUNG LUCILLE BLUTH. A++++ [Vulture]