Following in the grand tradition of Catholic hypocrisy and misogyny, the girls at Queen of Peace High School in North Arlington, NJ were asked to take a no-cursing pledge on Friday while their male classmates looked on, blinking like the bemused rescue greyhounds the Pope flagellates every time he stubs his toe on a piece of priceless marble statuary.
According to The Record's Leslie Brody, school officials have been at pains to stop the current of filth spewing out of students' mouths recently, but they just couldn't find a way to do it without being equitable. Since, equitability really chaps the Catholic caboose, teachers and administrators at Queen of Peace had to find a way to get students to stop cursing that would best illustrate the double standard it holds its female students to. Enter the no-cursing pledge, whose purpose, according to Queen of Peace's resident Professor Umbridge Lori Flynn, is to ensure ladylike behavior for all the school's lady students.
"We want ladies to act like ladies," Flynn told The Record. Brother Larry Lavallee seconded that emotion, adding that, anyway, the girls curse more than the boys do (something the students say, off the record, is total fucking bullshit, since pretty everyone in high school swears all the time). Most of the students, however, don't necessarily think the pledge is a bad idea — they just think it's kinda, sorta, grossly unfair that the girls have to take it while the boys get to swear without putting breaking any oaths. Moreover, school officials are pinning their hopes on the girls fulfilling their pledge to help ensure that the boys stop cursing, as if high school boys were somehow less responsible for their behavior than their female classmates:
Teachers said they hoped that if the girls focused on cleaning up their speech on campus for a month, their improved manners would take hold and rub off on the boys. They timed the initiative to Catholic Schools Week and the old-fashioned romance of Valentine's Day. They promised lollipops as rewards and handed out pins showing a red slash through a pair of pink lips.
"It looks like they mean no kissing," Lavallee said. "That's a little harder to enforce."
Sure, kissing might be a little harder to enforce at Queen of Peace, but I'm sure some bright bulb in the administration can figure out how to do it in a way that most shamelessly illustrates yet another of society's limitless double standards.
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