Here's what's seemingly the life trajectory of a typical person who appears on Teen Mom 2: Let some loser cum inside you, take your GED practice test 84 times, get feathers in your hair. Seriously. When I was little, there was this super scuzzy awesome fair that came to my town every summer that had unsafe rides built by druggie carnies and games, designed to steal your money, that were impossible to win. But everybody that played one of those games was automatically given a prize just for trying: a roach clip with feathers attached. Being a little girl, and not knowing what a roach clip was, I just assumed they were hair clips, and so me and all my friends and essentially every other female in my town would walk around in the summer wearing roach clip feathers in our hair. We weren't even aware of how trashy we looked or how stupid we were. And I'm assuming that also goes for the people on Teen Mom 2.

Apparently, this has something to do with Ke$ha, or at least she's the reason why Jenelle got feathers in her hair, as she explained to her lawyer during a serious meeting about how resolving her criminal record was lower on her list of priorities than seeing "Tick Tock" performed live (from the second row).

Chelsea probably has the most offensive hair out of all of the Teen Moms. I was going to say "out of anybody ever" but you haven't seen her friends yet.

All of Chelsea's friends look like they stepped out of the chicken scene from Pink Flamingos.

This is Chelsea's mom. Her mom. She's totally one of those, "You girls keep me young!" kind of moms, even though Chelsea actually prematurely aged her when she made her a grandmother in her 40s.