Now that that incorrigible dickens Angus T. Jones has gone all bonky on us, it seems the producers of Two and One Half Men are scrambling to find a bonk-free replacement. And, according to a source, they're seriously considering Miley "Miley Cyrus's Haircut" Cyrus for the role. The role of Miley Cyrus's haircut will be played by Miley Cyrus's haircut's haircut. Or something.
"There are talks to replace Angus and the perfect person would be Miley Cyrus," says the source. "The episodes that she appeared on brought in the highest ratings of the season." Miley appeared in two episodes last month as southern firecracker Missi, the daughter of Walter's old friend. "When she was on set she was pleasant and very enjoyable to work with. She won everyone over. Now the whispers are growing louder. People involved in the show want Miley to replace Angus."
Word on the street (the intersection of Who Cares Ave. and Faaaaaaaaaaaart Blvd.) is that Jones will be leaving the show at the end of this season to spend more time not masturbating with this weirdo. [VH1]
In other Miley Cyrus news, she got hoodwinked by the world's least ambitious pranksters, whose master plan apparently went something like this:
1. Pretend to be Dakota and Elle Fanning on Twitter.
2. Trick Miley Cyrus into saying hi to us.
This is entertainment now. Congratulations to us all. [NYPost]
Dr. Drew (who I will never not love just a little bit because of my Loveline-obsessed adolescence) talks about I'm Positive, his MTV special about HIV-positive teens:
If we want to achieve an AIDS-free future — which many experts now say is a possibility — we need to educate young people about HIV/AIDS and keep them safe. That's why I teamed with MTV, the Kaiser Family Foundation, Gilead Sciences and Octagon Entertainment to help produce I'm Positive, a 60-minute special airing this Saturday night. It tells the story of three incredibly strong young people from around the country who are HIV-positive. Each one of them faces some serious struggles, from those unique to people in their situation (telling their families about their condition and keeping their loved ones HIV-negative) to problems that every young person faces, like navigating relationships with family, friends and sexual partners.
Fucking Jennie Garth and fucking Luke Perry went on a fucking walk together in North Hollywood and I am going to rip out my fucking heart and have it replaced with a fucking pencil sharpener if they don't quit FUCKING TOYING WITH IT LIKE IT'S A TOY.
Dressed in a dark coat, jeans and black baseball cap, the 45-year-old actor brought along his pooch for the occasion. Perry met up with the 40-year-old actress, who wore baggy zebra trousers and blue jacket, and the two popped into the Aroma Café in North Hollywood where she grabbed a doggie bag and coffee to go.
The casual get together comes less than three months after the thespians were reported to be working on developing a sitcom together, at which time Perry's publicist denied the dating stories, telling E! News they were "not true."
YOUR MOM'S NOT TRUE, YOU STUPID PUBLICIST. GO PUBLICIZE THE GARBAGE, WHICH IS WHERE YOU'RE FROM. [E!]
Dina Lohan has a dumb (probably, although...Lohans) conspiracy theory about the psychic that got (allegedly) face-clawed by her daughter:
"I am increasingly disturbed to be told Ms. Allred's new client lives in Palm Beach just minutes from my ex-husband's home," Dina told RadarOnline.com.
"What else is there to learn about the circumstances surrounding this unfortunate incident?"
GREAT QUESTION. So...what you're implying is that Michael Lohan hired a psychic to travel to New York and stand uncomfortably close to your daughter so she'd go all berserker on a bitch's face? Because...long con? 'Kay. [Radar]
- Wand Erection is releasing a fragrance. In case you've always wanted to smell like Wand Erection. [MTV]
- FAMOUS(-IN-ENGLAND) MAN BITTEN BY BANDICOOT AFTER FALLING IN WELL. [DailyMail]
- Gabriel Aubry has reunited with daughter Nahla and presumably they had an awkward conversation about his ruined face. [TMZ]
- Kim Kardashian wants to get married at Westminster Abbey because of the Royal Wedding, which is so dumb I fell down. [ShowbizSpy]
- I just realized that in my head, Lauren Conrad lives at the Grove. She doesn't sleep or anything, she just roams like the reanimated dead. [E!]
- Jemima Kirke had her baybay and named it "Memphis." [Us]
- Someone from Honey Boo Boo got arrested for impersonating a gorilla, a grievous crime in gorilla-court. [E!
- Rip-off alert—the headline "John Slattery: Back to Nature" does not lead you to a picture of John Slattery naked, ruggedly eating a bug and being best friends with a peregrine falcon. Instead it's just a bunch of words and him looking gassy near Jena Malone. [EW]
- Sorry not sorry says Jenny Johnson about her Twitter spat with Chris Brown.
"My Twitter account is meant to be funny," Johnson clarifies. "While there are truths behind a lot of the things I write, in no way, shape or form are they meant to be seen as anything other than the words of a comedy writer, in 140 characters or less."
- She also hopes that Breezy's fans were just joking like a comedy writer when they said they would "stab" and "kill" her. [Us]
- no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. [BodyOdd]
- yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes [lick]