The Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Divorce Has Now Gone on 8,000 Times Longer than Their Actual Marriage

Seriously. Check the math. (DON’T CHECK THE MATH.) Unfortunately, it is also 8,000,000,000 times more boring than their actual marriage—which was, statistically, the most boring human activity in recorded memory. Anyhoo, Kim Kardashian is still trying to get the divorce finalized, but Kris Humphries refuses to agree—instead, he’s filing an annulment and accusing Kardashian of fraud. I don’t really understand the nuances of this (I assume Kim gets something out of a divorce that she doesn’t out of an annulment?), but I’m going to go ahead and stick with my previous assumption that everyone involved is a complete goober. The Kardashian side:

“Miss Kardashian is now handcuffed to Mr. Humphries,” Kardashian’s attorney, Laura Wasser, pleaded with Judge Stephen Moloney.

…Miss Kardashian has a right to have her 72-day marriage-[for] which she has a prenup-resolved,” Wasser told the judge. “She has that right.”

The Humphries side:

Humphries’ camp claimed that Kardashian had no intention of going through with the marriage but had only done it for the benefit of her TV show. Kardashian famously filed for divorce 72 days after their Oct. 31, 2011, wedding, citing in court papers that all property and assets would be divided per their prenup.

Rather than agreeing to the divorce, Humphries shot back by filing for an annulment, citing fraud.

And the Kardashians again:

Waller also added that she doesn’t “think [Humphries] has a fraud case” and that “there is a fishing expedition going on. I think there is some kind of strategy.”

Kardashian’s lawyer then asked the court “to give my client some deadline so she can stop worrying about getting deposed…To wait until Christmas to ask for a deposition seems a little disingenuous to me.”

Goober until proven innocent. [E!]

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The makers of Viagra had to issue a stern warning to NFL players, letting them know that having huge boners on the field will NOT make them better at football. Apparently the confusion came after one Brandon Marshall claimed that he had heard “crazy stuff” about Viagra enhancing players’ football performance.

“I’ve heard of some crazy stories. I’ve heard (of) guys using like Viagra, seriously. Because the blood is supposedly thin, some crazy stuff. So, you know, it’s kind of scary with some of these chemicals that are in some of these things so you have to be careful.”

…The company explained, “Pfizer has not examined the safety of Viagra in men without ED and does not promote or encourage the use of Viagra for any use but the treatment of ED.”

[“Tight end” joke or something stupid like that.] [TMZ]

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Wait, Rachel Weisz is married to Daniel Craig? Did everyone know this but me? I am usually on top of which celebrities are putting their parts in which celebrities’ holes!!! Especially when one of them was in The Mummy! Anyway, here’s a weird story about what Weisz got their kid for its birthday:

The 42-year-old is busy promoting spy thriller The Bourne Legacy and it seems this, combined with being married to the world’s most famous spy, has left her son Henry, 6, also keen to get in on the action.

“For my son’s birthday, he just got this little plastic lie detector test,” revealed Rachel.

“He makes me put my fingers on it and he asks me questions. I turn it around on him and ask questions like, ‘Did you eat your vegetables at school today?’ It has been fun.”

Where. Do. You. Even. Buy. That. [Express]

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• Selena Gomez feels fine. [Extra]
• Britney and K-Fed are back together!!!!!!!!!! (In tax court maybe.) [E!]
• Would you like to know what chemicals Melissa Rycroft uses to peel her face off? Here, go nuts. [E!]
• Ashlee Simpson “stepped out” with a “mystery man” (fingers crossed it was The Shoveler). [E!]
• Bobbi Kristina broke up with her brother-boyfriend and crashed her Camaro. [E!]
• Somewhere in California, Katt Williams is riding around on a whimsical three-wheeled motorbike scoffing at all of the laws. [Reuters]
• Cate Blanchett might play Cinderella‘s evil stepmother in the live-action Cinderella movie and this is good news because I love her! [BWE]
• Trend alert!!! Bag-hat. [E!]
• Jared Leto is getting very small. [Vulture]
• Michael Jordan was banned from a Florida country club for wearing cargo pants. His rep: “Michael Jordan did wear cargo pants. He had been there many times before and had worn cargo pants previously, and had never been made aware that he was violating any dress code.” Michael Jordan did wear cargo pants. [ContactMusic]