Drunk Man Arrested For Telling Kids Santa Isn't Real, Being Hella Drunk

In what we can only imagine was cosplay of Dan Aykroyd’s break down in Trading Places, a 24-year-old Canadian man was arrested for being super drunk and screaming at kids about how Santa’s a fraud. Probably the most pertinent part is the being drunk and on parole, but still. Best part, it all went down during a parade celebrating the holiday spirit. AND TO ALL A GOODNIGHT!

As Christmas-themed floats slowly rolled down Princess St. during Kingston’s annual Santa Claus parade, an intoxicated man shouted blasphemous lies to shocked children: Santa doesn’t exist.

The man, whose gelled hair “looked like a set of devil horns protruding from his head,” was reported to Kingston police, Const. Steve Koopman said.

The police and all of Twitter is pretty annoyed at the man. “It was pretty despicable that someone, during this time of the year, would tell kids Santa isn’t real — which of course we would argue,” Koopman said.

I love the idea of police officers running up to all of the kids after this happened and setting them straight — er, lying to them — about Santa. Pretty delightful.

Side note, how did any of you Christmas-celebrating folks find out that Santa wasn’t real? My dad told me when I cried to him about not receiving the one item from my list that I really wanted: a sleigh bell from Santa’s sleigh. What can I say? I was a fucking whimsical child! To this day it still mildly upsets me to think about it — why didn’t my parents just buy me a 99 cent jingle bell from Michaels and continue the charade I so desperately needed? But no, Christmas was destroyed forever. I think that’s the year I started smoking pot, too. I was 12. This is actually just getting weird, maybe I would’ve rather found out from drunky at the parade.