Breaking Dawn Part 2 Plundered the American Moviegoer This Weekend

We’re going to play a little game of guess that exorbitant sum of money. Ready? In its opening weekend, Breaking Dawn the Deuce: OMG There’s Werewolf Poop Everywhere!, the final installment of the peripatetic Twilight franchise, made a) $100 million, b) $141.3 million, or c) all the money that there is or ever will be in this world, or, in the parlance of our test-taking times, all of the above times infinity. The answer, quite obviously, is b), but would it have really shocked you if you’d woken up this morning to some version of the following headline, “Breaking Dawn Part 2 Wins Big At Box Office, World Reserve Currency Now Officially the Cullen”?

Despite the huge haul, Breaking Dawn Electric Boogaloo is only the fourth biggest opening weekend of 2012, and only the second biggest opening within the Twilight franchise (2009’s New Moon has the opening weekend record). Somewhere locked away in her money tower, Stephenie Meyer is counting her bullion and thinking about that undergrad creative writing professor who cut her down in front of the whole class for using the word “ululating” twice to describe the sex noises the protagonists make in her short story Lupine Passion. Meanwhile, that creative writing professor is contemplating suicide in a Microtel somewhere outside of Salt Lake City.

Box Office: Breaking Dawn Part 2 Rises to $141.3 Million [E!]