Gird Yer Loins: New Research Promises a Male Pill (Might Be Coming) (Maybe)

There’s new hope on the horizon for people everywhere who don’t want to be parents! A study in PLoS Genetics reveals that there’s possibly a way to stop sperm from swimming. Stop those fuckers DEAD, I say. Also, please, please let me remove this damn IUD, I’d love to stop this thing where I don’t menstruate for three months and then have my period for two years straight. But, as my boyfriend points out, “They say they’re coming out with a pill every year and then they never do GIVE ME MY PILL.” Agreed. I’m ready, he’s ready – let’s do this, science.

Professor Moira O’Bryan of Monash University in Melbourne, and the lead author of the paper, writes that the researchers introduced a mutation into the RABL2 gene of lab mice. RABL2 is related to the protein fuel deliverance to the axial filament (the sperm’s tail), and “results of the study showed that all the mice who had the mutated gene had inert sperm and were also proven to be infertile.”

She notes that “The challenge with developing the male pill isn’t rendering the sperm infertile, but turning them back on again”. Researchers found that the gene is not only located in the testicles, but also in the brain, the kidneys and the liver. Researchers from the Cambridge and Newcastle Universities were also involved in the study.

According to precedent studies, almost 55% of the patients questioned are willing to try the male contraceptive pill. However, a recent study from the United Kingdom, published in 2010, reveals that women don’t trust that men would take the pill on a daily basis. There are currently other forms of male contraception, which includes a monthly injection. It’s based on testosterone and the result is the regulation of two brain chemicals that temporarily block sperm production.

According to a clinical trial conducted in China, which involved 1,000 male patients, over a period of two years, these injections were proven to have an efficiency of preventing pregnancy of almost 95%. However, 30% of the patients stopped participating in the clinical trial due to side effects which included acne, mood swings and a lower sex drive.

Welcome to the club, gentlemen! Seriously, there are probably gonna be some side effects, but they don’t sound any worse than shit women deal with monthly, and sometimes more often. I vote that this is not a huge deal, and acne builds character. Please come up with a better reason, next!

I’m firmly of the belief that there’s no male pill because well, men don’t really want a male pill. But, every time I read something like this, I feel a renewed rush of optimism that one day soon, I won’t have to stick an alien prong up my vagina to not get pregnant. The day is coming, vagina. Hold tight.