Michael Moore Wants You to Take One of Your Non Voting Slacker Friends to the Polls With You

It’s a good idea, right? Listen to America’s grumpy Santa this voting season and haul at least one of your lazy-ass friends to the polls with you. Especially if you’re in a swing state! Their vote could mean the difference between giving Obama another four years and Romney ruling Washington like it’s Castle Grayskull.

Moore writes:

Do you realize that there are 90 million people who are planning to NOT vote next Tuesday? That’s according to a poll conducted by USA Today. 90,000,000!! It’s a shocking number, isn’t it? In the old days we’d just label these people as apathetic or stupid. Not anymore. They don’t need our admonition – they need our empathy.

But here’s something else about them: despite everything, they haven’t utterly given up on politics. WhenUSA Today asked the non-voters who they’d choose if they HAD to vote for someone in this election, 18 percent said they would vote for Romney – and 43 percent said they’d vote for Obama! That means there are nearly 40 million people who prefer Obama – AND THEY ARE NOT GOING TO VOTE.

The other question they were asked was, what would it take to get you to vote? Eighty-five percent of the pro-Obama non-voters said they would go vote IF they thought the election was going to be really close and that their vote would actually make the difference.

Those are some pretty crazy statistics, am I riiiiiight?

So, Moore wants you to identify one of those people and take them to the polls with you. I’m gonna take it next level, I think you should pick them up and carry them to the polls with you. Or withhold relations until they vote. Or buy them an expensive present of their choice afterwards. Whatever shaming or bullying technique that can be employed, I want you to employ it. OK, I’m just joshing, everyone should do what they want, and of their own free will, but nobody will fault you if you take the slothful voter out for a milkshake afterwards.

If you need to register, don’t know if you’re registered, or just need to confirm your polling place, it’s super easy – so make it hap’n, cap’n.