You know what? I feel bad for celebrities sometimes. Like, Tom Cruise is just trying to live his weird couch-jumpy life and deal with a painful public divorce and jet-set around doing his fancy pretending in the talkies—AND he's supposed to put up with tabloids fabricating slanders moste evile? And never say anything? Hmph. I know this is how this ecosystem works, and Tom Cruise is compensated handsomely for his troubles, but it still seems like a lot to be borne. Most recently, the 'bloidz are up in fake-arms because Cruise had to go to Europe or some shit for work and he "missed" Suri's first day at her new school. So now she's "abandoned by daddy" and she can't stop crying. Like...who CARES? It's some rich kid's first day of school! It's not like he missed her intervention. It's not like he literally abandoned her on an iceberg like some callous itinerant polar bear father. It's not like he missed her face transplant after she got mauled by a chimp or something. I'm sure Tom Cruise would make a point of getting back from Prague in time for Suri's chimp-chomp surgery. Or whatever. Anyway, Cruise is suing those dicks. He's filed a $50 million defamation lawsuit against both In Touch and Life & Style. Here's Cruise's lawyer's statement:
"Tom is a caring father who dearly loves Suri. She's a vital part of his life and always will be. To say he has 'abandoned' her is a vicious lie. To say it in lurid headlines with a tearful picture of Suri is reprehensible.
Tom doesn't go around suing people. He's not a litigious guy. But when these sleaze peddlers try to make money with disgusting lies about his relationship with his child, you bet he's going to sue."
These serial defamers are foreign owned companies with their global headquarters in Hamburg. They take money from unsuspecting Americans by selling their malicious garbage. Having to pay a libel judgment may slow them down."
Yeah, gotta go Team Cruise on this one. Also, speaking as a professional consumer of gossip, fake gossip is SO BORING. Why should I pay you for stuff I could make up better myself? Do your job, 'bloidzzz. Emphasis on the zzzzzzzzzzzz. [HuffPo]
If you're like me (and...you're probably not, probably for the best), you sometimes listen to compact discs of gay men's choruses singing protest anthems and then you cry and cry alone in your car. ("Normal" is a social construct. Go away.) But even if you're NOT like me, get ready to smile-cry your butt off at this video, in which Modern Family star Eric Stonestreet surprised his on-screen love Jesse Tyler Ferguson with a special serenade from the Boston Gay Men's Chorus. Squeeeeeeeeeee. [Towleroad]
Speaking of crying and butts, Daniel Craig says HE cried listening to Adele's Skyfall theme. Quoth Craig:
"I cried. From the opening bars I knew immediately, then the voice kicked in and it was exactly what I'd wanted front the beginning."
"It just got better and better because it fitted the movie. In fact the more of the movie we made, the more it fitted it."
And now I'M crying because I know I'll never get to touch Daniel Craig simultaneously on the butt and rugged jawline. Happiness is a lie. [HuffPo]
Luckily, it's all right to cry. Fact. [RoseyGrier]
Stop dieting everyone! Jennifer Aniston figured out one weird trick to burn away belly fat! It's...smiling:
"The fads are too much. I think it's really about - honestly, this is going to sound silly - going in the sun for 20 minutes a day is really important, vitamin D, because we are now having a vitamin D deficiency because of all the SPF. And I think being happy and smiling and laughing a lot.
So, BTW, if you're fat it's not just because you eat too much. It's also because you're an unrepentant sourpuss. Lighten up, sugar! Gimme a smile! [FemaleFirst]
- Lady Gaga's boyfriend Taylor Kinney is currently starring on Dick Wolf's new show Chicago Fire. Coincidentally, Lady Gaga and Dick Wolf are also starring in the highest rated TV show in my head, titled Lindy West's Ultimate Fantasy Non-Sexual Slumber Party. [TVGuide]
- Ben Affleck is getting a lifetime achievement award from the Casting Society of America. [Deadline]
- Speaking of that guy, here's Jennifer Garner and Seraphina Affleck being effortlessly adorable with iced tea. [Radar]
- Reese Witherspoon went shopping!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (So THAT'S what rich people use money for!) [JustJared]
- "Hayden Panettiere Ties Up a Tattooed Lover in Country Music Video." 'Kay. [People]
- P. Diddy was in some sort of weird motor collision that left him "sprawled on the grass" in front of his hotel. But apparently he's okay. [ContactMusic]
- Sam Lutfi says Britney Spears's dad punched him in the solar plexus. [Yahoo!]
- I still don't understand what a "Rosie Huntington-Whiteley" is, but it sounds Pride & Prejudicey and I like this outfit she's wearing so I will allow it. [DailyMail]
- Donald Trump is just a fart-noise with a wig. [E!]
- Super duper duper duper duper duper duper important. [ItsAllRightToCry]