Okay. My best guess about Taylor Momsen’s kohl-smudged descent into “the dark side” (at least, as dark as a 19-year-old television actress in a totally like, “XXhardXcoreXX” rock band can get) is that Gossip Girl costume designer Eric Daman put one too many hair extension tracks onto her head and it snapped her cerebral cortex.
The 19-year-old malcontent has released a (NSFW) clip called “The Words” with her band The Pretty Reckless, in which she recites some of her own song lyrics while full-frontally nude, with specific details of her anatomy artfully blurred out, kinda like this. And somewhere on the Upper East Side, Rufus Humphrey wishes he could fill her Nightmare Before Christmas lunchbox with syrup-drenched, carb-laden waffles. XOXO, Gossip Girl. [HuffPo]Jennifer Aniston has invited her ex-mother-in-law and noted homophobe Jane Pitt, Brad’s mom, to her wedding to Justin Theroux. A source claims that “Jennifer wants Jane to be there. She’s closer to her than she is to her own mother Nancy and it just feels right,” adding that Jane has provided support for Jen for the last seven years and is “thrilled that Jennifer has found happiness again,” which is exactly the kind of thing that sounds patronizing and insulting coming from your ex’s mother. Way to go, Jane. [The Sun]
After a nine-year marriage, Russell Crowe and his wife Danielle Spencer are splitting up. Apparently their union suffered primarily due to Crowe’s absence from her side, having been abroad for much of the year filming one of his six movies due out by mid-2013 (The Man with the Iron Fists, Les Miserables, Broken City, Man of Steel, Noah and Winter’s Tale) and the rumor is she’s boffing her dance partner on Australian Dancing With The Stars, Damian Whitwood. [Daily Mail]
And she’s getting a cool-ass $20 million settlement. [Daily Mail]
Fucking Nadya “Octomom” Suleyman, who persists in being a wart on society’s labia minora, went to a Hell’s Kitchen nightclub called XL right after she was cleared of charges of child abuse, where she fake-breastfed a plastic baby doll. In case you didn’t get the joke—wait, what’s the joke?—she also pretended to feed it vodka and screened a clip of her porn movie. [NYDN]
Speaking of Dancing With The Stars,
Duly noted. [People]
‘Twas the night of Urrrrrsher’s 34th birthday party, and he Instagrammed a picture of himself sitting between Tom Cruise and Ridley Scott (with two women at the end of the table). And then they sang “We’re the three best friends that anyone could have.” Ursher Tweeted along with the photograph, “thank you Tom and Ridley for dinner lots of laughs and good c,” and I’m gonna operate under the assumption that “C” stands for “champagne. [Twitter]
- Katie Holmes h8s being single. [Zee News]
- One time Rod Stewart tried yoga but he fell into his unlit fireplace. Lawls. [Monsters and Critics]
- Dina Lohan’s now pressuring Lindsay to take out a restraining order against Michael Lohan. [TMZ]
- Madonna’s stalker was cleared of weapons charges. [HuffPo]
- ‘Ye and Kim had dinner in Miami and she wore something that could pass for a female supervillain cosplay outfit at Comic Con. [Daily Mail]
- Oh, and here she is in the most expected, on-the-nose Halloween costume ever. [Us Weekly]
- Prince and Lady Gaga are gonna be writing songs for The Great Gatsby. I smell sex and candy here! [Vulture]
- Meanwhile, Gaga’s spinning at Soul Cycle, patented fitness class of choice for your horrible co-worker! [NYDN]
- Miley Cyrus felt weird making out onscreen with Angus T. Jones, the half-a-man from Two And A Half Men. [Fashion & Style]
- Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are the latest to host a celebrity-riddled fundraiser for President Obama. [Politico]
- ’80s actor and host Gary Collins has passed away at 74. [People]
- Tia Mowry got an adorable pixie cut. [Us Weekly]
- Jenna Jameson was offered $10,000 to dance for a “mystery man” in the champagne room but turned it down. [Page Six]
- KT Perry and John Mayer are back on. [NYDN]
- Seth Rogen auctioned off his company on a bathroom break at the Night of Too Many Stars charity benefit. [Hollywood]
- Halle Berry and Sarah Palin are distantly related. Genealogy is such a mindfuck. [Extra]
- Nas foreclosed on his ATL mansion. [Vibe]
- The word is that Rihanna and Chris Brown are going public as a couple after her new album is released. [Daily Mail]
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