Secret Video Reveals that Mitt Romney Actually Hates You

You guys: Mitt Romney’s kind of an asshole. During a fancy schmancy meeting of donors, the Presidential candidate finally let that fear grimace/wince/blink facial expression fall and revealed his true face: angry, jaw-droppingly oblivious rich prick who honestly does not give two shits about the 47% of Americans who don’t pay any taxes at all and will vote for President Obama no matter what. Fuck those people. And probably fuck you.

Mother Jones obtained the video and posted it in three parts to its site today. Here’s a transcript of the assiest part. I bolded the passages where he reaches Mach 5 fuckstickery. I’m warning you — I’m on about 2 hours of sleep and this shit is bogus, so there will be lots of swearing. Children, please leave the room.

There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it. That that’s an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what…These are people who pay no income tax.

Yeah, you fucks who think you’re entitled to food. Starve in the streets, and shut up while my horse gets a massage because you’re upsetting it so much that it’s getting the runs.

And I mean the President starts off with 48, 49… he starts off with a huge number. These are people who pay no income tax. Forty-seven percent of Americans pay no income tax. So our message of low taxes doesn’t connect. So he’ll be out there talking about tax cuts for the rich. I mean, that’s what they sell every four years.

And as to the part about not paying taxes? That’s (no pun intended) rich coming from the guy who has not paid what he owes in taxes since, uh, forever. I mean, 13% income tax rate on an income of more than a quarter million dollars per year? That’s a lower rate than I pay, and I’m poor as hell.

And so my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives. What I have to is convince the five to ten percent in the center that are independents that are thoughtful, that look at voting one way or the other depending upon in some cases emotion, whether they like the guy or not.

Man, they better hope they’re not voting on likability, because Mitt Romney’s about as huggable as a naked Furby.

Mitt Romney is so mad that he could just storm onto a private jet and fly to the Cayman Islands and punch some money. He’s so mad that he feels like going into his car elevator with an endangered tiger’s bladder full of single malt scotch and slowly pour it onto the floor. He’s so mad he could just buy Oakland and sell it to China and then bomb China. That’s how mad he is that the poor people who don’t pay taxes feel entitled to food. How fucking dare they.

Mitt Romney contributes! Like that time he contributed to the Vietnam war by filing for a religious exemption from the draft 3 times so he could go live in a mansion in France and then move back to the US, where he protested in favor of other (poor) people’s kids going off to war and getting schrapnelled up. Like the time he got $75,000 in tax write downs for costs associated with caring for his fancy dancing horse. Like the time he contributed to the American economy by keeping his money in tax havens like Switzerland and other places Bond villains ski.

Mitt Romney loves America, but he hates 47% of America. If I hate 47% of the aspects of someone, that pushes them solidly into frenemy territory.