Online dating should go even more retro than simple bar rendezvouses — potential mates should have their very own shag-carpeted sex van for 15-20 minutes of pure ecstasy. ZemarSea Urchin has worked out all the gritty details:
Alright. I've got the ultimate business idea. I'm going to open up a "pop-up" bar (that's ultra chic right?!) in Winnebago...no scratch that! A tricked out van with air brushed Conan and Red Sonya. Inside will be a disco ball, shag carpet, and Captain and Tenille/ Blondie on repeat. There'll be hip martini cocktails and desserts to serve. I'll park in the loneliest (read hood with the most singles) neighbourhood according to grindr or whatever that singles app is. And to really get that retro vibe you pay me twenty bucks for 5 minutes in the van (remember post office and 5 minutes of heaven in the closet from those horny jr. high days?) with any one who you find attractive (in your top ten picks) and will have you. You rate those "dates" based on sexual chemistry. And pay me another ten bucks per email address to the hook up of your dreams. Now I ain't guaranteen' that you'll get married off of this scheme but I can promise you a few moments of pure (maybe) pleasure in the back of a van and the (slight) possibility of a few more dates filled with more of that kind of pleasure. And hey! Maybe you get knocked up! Or you swap an STD! Who knows. It'll be a great story to tell at the wedding! Just let the van work its magic.
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