Awkward: Rupert Sanders Is Slated to Direct Kristen Stewart Again in a Sequel Nobody Wants

Once upon a time, there was a princess who was in love with vampire, and then she met a guy with a wife and kids who said, “Let’s spin straw into gold,” and she was like, “OK.” But, alas, some people got pictures of the two of them doing some illicit straw-gold-spinning, and the vampire was upset by the pictures and ran for the comfort of Reese Witherspoon.

Meanwhile, Universal Studios still claims that Rupert Sanders is signed on to direct the sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman, which would once again star Kristen Stewart, but his wife Liberty Ross basically said, “Like fuck you are,” understandably. [Sugarscape, Radar Online]

Oh: Robert Pattinson is talking to K-Stew again. [Radar]

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For years, there has been a Beyoncé documentary-shaped hole in the world. Sweet relief is nigh: Bey is shopping around 20 minutes of footage to distributors with an endgame of producing and directing a documentary about her life and career, “a mix of music and personal study, blending concert footage with confessional interview” a la Katy Perry’s Part Of Me. [LA Times]

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Here’s a 30-second preview for Mariah Carey’s new single “Triumphant,” which makes its radio debut later today and features verses by Meek Mill and Rick Ross. [Soundcloud]

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The trailer for The Paperboy, best known as That Movie Wherein Nicole Kidman and Zac Efron Do It, looks just this side of postmodern Tennesee Williams-style camp. You know, where everyone’s got their fake Southern accent on and tearing up the scenery and it’s so swampy out people are ripping their clothes off all the time. If you don’t believe me, please note that Matthew McConaughey is also present.

What’s that you say? You want screenshots of ZEfron in wet tighty-whities? Here ya go. [Vh1]

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Bet you didn’t see this coming: Bar Rafaeli and Shaun White have maybe been dating since May. They’ve been snapped canoodling in multiple countries and were just spotted together cheering on Michael Phelps as he won his 19th gold medal in a 4x200m freestyle relay final. Weird. [NYDN]

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• Jessica Biel says that Justin Timberlake often makes her change her outfit before they go out. Urghhrhhh. [Belfast Telegraph]
• Seth MacFarlane and Miss USA Olivia Culpo are not dating. This is made exponentially better because the main picture here, confusingly, is of MacFarlane and Rob Lowe, who is mentioned nowhere in the item. [NYDN]
• Apparently Clint Eastwood came up to Jeff Daniels one time and told him that toilet scene in Dumb & Dumber really resonated with him because one time he ate bad shellfish with a date and went back to her house with her and clogged her toilet. Clint Eastwood poops! [Entertainment Weekly]
• Lindsay Lohan blames paparazzi for her 2010 car accident. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus’s L.A. house got “swatted,” a terrible new prank that involves fake emergency calls. [TMZ]
• Model Daisy Lowe was scandalized by her own Playboy photos. [Fox News]
• Ivana Trump has a new boyfriend named Marc Antonio Rota. [Page Six]
• Victoria Beckham discussed her famous scowl in Glamour: “I actually used to smile a lot in pictures. I think I only stopped smiling when I got into fashion. Fashion stole my smile! I’ve created this person. And I’m not saying that’s not me, but I wouldn’t say that’s the whole me. It’s an armor that goes up.” [Us Weekly]
• Boardwalk Empire star Kelly Macdonald is pregnant. [Examiner]
• Some Miley Cyrus boudoir shots taken for Liam Hemsworth are now for everyone. [HuffPo]
• Khloe Kardashian tweets: Still get disgusted by how people judge others by weight. Either “fat” or “skinny”. Nothing is ever good enough… [Twitter]
• Kaley Cuoco says she wants 10 seasons of The Big Bang Theory. That makes one of us. [Digital Spy]
• Here’s Christina Aguilera doing a PSA for Yum! Brands World Hunger Relief. [YouTube]
• It doesn’t take much to transform Russell Brand into Captain Hook, as evidenced in this Annie Leibowitz shot. [L.A. Times]
• Doug Ellin is on page 65 of the Entourage movie, whose logline probably sounds something like “What happens when one very attractive man and three talentless parasites hang out in Los Angeles and fuck models? Nothing.” [E! Online]
• Amidst rumors of their marriage ending, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are flying away to New York. [Monsters and Critics]
• Camilla Alves, Matthew McConaughey’s wife, did not want to get married at all. [TNVZ.co.nz]
• Jon Gosselin is broke and may face jail time for not being able to pay child support. [The Hollywood Gossip]
• Here’s that close-up of Sofia Vergara’s giant engagement rock that you wanted. Might I suggest an eclipse deflector? [Twitter]
• Cate Blanchett is psyched that people think she’s boring. [Page Six]