The entity we know as Robsten/K-Bert/StewBob might be tearing itself asunder — Robert Pattinson, apparently "mortified" by Kristen Stewart's very public apology, has reportedly schlepped some of his belongings out of the Los Angeles home where he cohabitated with Stewart and into some secret lair. He probably didn't take his L.A. Dodgers baseball cap, though, either because he's English and doesn't really care about the things we Yanks do with our balls, or because Kristen Stewart was wearing it while she was rendezvousing with Rupert Sanders.

Meanwhile, Stewart has emerged bleary-eyed from her seclusion, dressed in a laundry-day ensemble. Observers said that she appeared openly distraught and quickly put some sunglasses over her eyes to hide her tears, which, reading it aloud, sounds extremely sad. [WonderWall, Us, OMG]

Godspell actress Morgan James recently threw some shade at Amy Adams for her role in a production of Into the Woods at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. Tweeteth James, "HOW can you **** up Into the Woods?? I fear musicianship is dead in musical theatre. And acting, for that matter. #horrified." James deleted the critical tweet pretty quickly, but not before Broadwayer Matt Doyle responded with a stern reprimand: "Really don't like seeing Broadway actors trashing other shows on twitter. Have a little tact. We're all in this together." [HuffPo]

Did you hear the one about Jeremy Renner mistaking a boner pill for a sweet, delicious Ambien while he was trying to sleep on a transatlantic flight? The actor told Jimmy Kimmel, "Somebody gave me some pills, like Ambien. So I took a little sleeping pill, popped it and realized nothing's happening — but something else was happening! I realized very quickly that the 'A' was actually a little 'V' on the pill. Not only did I not sleep the entire flight, but there was. . . 'camping' . . . happening!" Somebody gave him some pills? That story sounds a little made up — you don't have to endear yourself to us, Jeremy Renner. Your turn as Jeffrey Dahmer was endearing enough. [Us]

Professional Velcro pad Russell Brand will not face jail-time for Hulking-out on a paparazzo's iPhone in New Orleans. Brand will, however, have to pay a $500 fine and complete 20 hours of community service by August 31 in what would probably be the very best place to perform community service if he didn't have to do it during the most humid month of the year. [TMZ]

Whilst preparing for her new daytime talk show, famed colonoscopy patient Katie Couric intimated her lifelong desire to star in a Broadway production, but quickly and sadly admitted that this was probably only what the kids call a pipe dream because she was cast as a deaf mute and then a dancing bear in one of her high school musicals. [AP]

  • Lady Gaga is stoked about making her film debut in Robert Rodriguez's grindhouse murder-fest Machete Kills. [Twitter]
  • The Jackson BrothersJermaine,Tito, Marlon, and loser of the name lottery Jackie — have all insisted that the show must go on in spite of all their family drama. [TMZ]
  • R. Kelly wants you to get to know him personally, so he wrote a memoir called Soulacoaster and will probably come to your house for readings if you pay him a nominal fee. [MTV]
  • Production on Fringe has stalled because star John Noble isn't sleeping well. [THR]
  • The Modern Family cast had a table read for the fourth season, so contract acrimony has temporarily been eased through the delicious magic of Hollywood catering companies. [E!]
  • A pair of ne'erdowells has pleaded not guilty to trying to blackmail Stevie Wonder. [BBC]
  • Elisabeth Moss is coming back with a vengeance for season six of Mad Men. [TV Line]
  • James Franco is now officially a fashion photographer. [E!]
  • Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard don't think Justin Bieber's the bestest neighbor because he's noisy and won't ever let them borrow sugar. [People]
  • A Madonna aide-de-camp was seen carrying what some people think is an anti-aging machine, but what yours truly believes is just ugly luggage. [INF Daily]
  • Tito Jackson's daughter Tanay says the Jackson family feud "sounds like a lot of crap." [E!]
  • Charlie Sheen wants to fulfill his other dreams, like becoming a poet/baseball scout/first human to fly unassisted by machinery. [Express]