After a sudden tornado of speculation about who was getting all of Michael Jackson's money and where Katherine Jackson was hiding from her grandchildren, a Los Angeles judge appointed TJ Jackson guardian of Michael's three children.

Just before the ruling, Jackson's lawyer told the judge that TJ fielded a strange call from his grandmother on Tuesday. TJ said that the call gave him cause for concern, explaining, "I've never heard my grandmother talk like that. The pauses, choice of vocabulary ... she has not used certain phrases like that before." Katherine Jackson, meanwhile, is none too thrilled about this latest turn, and has said in an interview with ABC that she's in fine mental health, that her children would never kidnap her, and that she's "devastated" that her grandkids have been taken away from her. Though she hasn't been suspended for any wrongdoing, her son's account of the phone call added fuel to speculation that the Jackson family matriarch would be prevented from acting in her capacity as guardian to Paris, Prince, and Blanket. The kids have supported TJ's move, which means that, for the time being, maybe the dust will settle for a while on this strange, sordid family affair. [TMZ, ABC]

Someone driving a silver Ford Mustang was rear-ended by Lindsay Lohan while she was shopping in Beverly Hills, but don't anybody freak out because eyewitnesses have already exonerated Lindz from any recklessness. Oh, and she's fine, too. [X17]

Lady Gaga thinks it's a shame what's happening to Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson right now. "Geez this kirstew rob stuff is brutal. Makes me sad the way press acts." Gaga added, "Hope they're ok," before getting back to watching Fiddler on the Roof and thinking about what she could do to remedy all the trouble that the paparazzi has caused for legions of heartbroken Twilight fans everywhere. [E!]

Madonna has ventured the following explanation for why she superimposed a swastika over the face of the leader of France's far-right party, Marie Le Pen, during a film that played at her recent concert in Paris: "That film that was created is about the intolerance that we human beings have for one another and how much we judge people before knowing them." That seems like a good solution to this problem — Madonna and Marie Le Pen should meet for cocktails and have a nice, tense tête-à-tête so nobody just flies off the handle and superimposes misappropriated fascist insiginias on each other. [BBC]

Kristen Stewart may be super-sorry about cheating on Robert Pattinson, but it's not like he turned her into a vampire during childbirth or anything — Rupert Sanders, now that's a sorry motherfucker. Sanders apologized heartily for his indiscretion: "I am utterly distraught about the pain I have caused my family. My beautiful wife and heavenly children are all I have in this world. I love them with all my heart. I am praying that we can get through this together." The thing about his kids being "heavenly" might be a little saccharine, but they say your brain releases crazy chemicals after you have kids to keep you from eating them when they get too heavy to carry and there aren't any mastodons to hunt. [Us]

Paul Raef, the paparazzo who To Live and Die in L.A.'ed Justin Bieber, has been charged with four counts of driving like a complete asshole stemming from a July 6 car chase. The Biebs was pulled over in his Fisker Karma (which is a car that is made in the world) doing 80 mph, whereupon he told the concerned officer that someone was chasing him, like in a movie. [TMZ]

  • Notable sidekick Rupert Grint carried the Olympic torch for a while. [AP]
  • Demi Moore is hanging out with a guy 12-years her junior, New Zealand-born actor Martin Henderson, who, let me just say, sports a wonderful pair of calves. [Life & Style]
  • Ethan Embry, who was nearly devoured by GWAR!, is splitting up with his wife of seven years Sunny Mabrey, who was nearly devoured by snakes on a plane. [People]
  • Former pornstar Jenna Jameson has pled not guilty to driving her car around wasted back on Memorial Day weekend. [E!]
  • Seven of the fine thespians (including Sofia Vergara) who make Modern Family want some new contracts. [People]
  • Holly Madison would like to adopt one child, either African or South American, please! [In Touch]
  • Sharon Osbourne's Twitter account has tired of America's Got Talent. [TMZ]
  • Bristol Palin denies that her son Tripp screamed, "Faggot" on TV, but hasn't denied that the little guy seems like a real pain in the ass in any case. [NYDN]
  • The person who speaks on behalf of Chris Brown says that Brown and Rihanna were nowhere near each other during their respective Grand Tours. [MTV]
  • Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, however, have trekked across the Atlantic arm in arm just so Londoners can see their beautiful faces. [AP]
  • Indians are still pissed at Oprah for expressing dismay that they eat with their hands. [First Post]
  • Errrr mah gawd — Jessica Chastain cut off all her hair and now she looks even more like Bryce Dallas Howard. [E!]
  • Chad Everett, the star of the TV show Medical Center, died Tuesday at the age of 76. [E!]
  • Good news, fans of funny news — Comedy Central has signed Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart through 2015. [AP]