Lindsay Lohan's Dad Knocks Up The Woman Who Literally Just Dropped Her Restraining Order Against Him

Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. One of them panicked and drowned, but the other one kicked his little legs until he churned that cream into butter and walked out. And then Kate Major and Michael Lohan announced they were having a child, and the surviving mouse was like “What the fuck, didn’t you just file a restraining order against him?”

The surviving mouse is correct: 28-year-old Major’s pregnancy might actually be illegal, since she is allegedly in the third trimester and must have conceived while the couple was going back and forth with abuse allegations and restraining orders for months. The two also used the press for their bitter fighting.

Lohan alleged, “I was in the hospital with kidney stones and Kate just barged in! She’s been taking ovulation tests trying to get pregnant from me.” Major responded: “‘I don’t even want to give Michael Lohan any more energy. He is a sick, old man who I want NOTHING to do with. He is a liar and because I want nothing to do with him, he has been stalking me and I finally HAD to take action again.” And take action she did, now carrying the child of a man who once tried to shove an eyeliner down her throat. Let’s play a little game called Choose Your Choices!

I will now present without commentary that Major is a former tabloid reporter and used to do it with Jon Gosselin. [Daily Mail, NYDN, TMZ]

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It was revealed earlier this year that Adele‘s dad was a drunk and abandoned the family when she was three years old. He voiced his disappointment that Adele didn’t call to tell him herself that she was pregnant: “I want more than anything to be part of her life again and to be a big part in my little grandson or granddaughter’s life. Sure, I’ve done wrong and I should have been there for her throughout her childhood but I am desperate to make amends now. I am begging her to give me another chance.”

Nothing like selling approximately a gajillion albums and generally establishing yourself as a force of nature and having a deadbeat dad ooze back over and poop feelings on you. But WHY NOW, Dad? [FemaleFirst.co.uk, The Sun]

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THE NEW NO DOUBT SONG IS OUT! THE NEW NO DOUBT SONG IS OUT! 45 seconds of it, at least. The band posted the teaser on their Soundcloud account last night, and it’s everything you wanted and more. Gwen Stefani remains High Priestess of the Summer Jam.

[Soundcloud]

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Katie Holmes enrolled Suri in an all-girls Catholic school, gonna wash that Scientology right out of her hair, et cetera. Also, Suri cried when Katie denied her a puppy (maybe because it wasn’t Catholic), but then they both threw their matching hats in the air like Mary Tyler Moore because they are no longer being clutched in the talons of aliens. [NYDN, E! Online]

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