Kate Beckinsale's Secret to a Long Relationship? Be a Hilarious, Hot Homebody Who Never Does Cocaine

Is it just me, or is everything about this interview with Kate Beckinsale ridiculously charming? She talks about her anxiety when shooting fight scenes in the Total Recall reboot: “When it came to the actual hour of it, I was like, ‘Oh, my God, am I gonna be the person who breaks Jessica Biel’s nose?’ I’ve only really fought with stuntmen and hairy werewolves before.” She talks about how totally useless action-movie training would be if she were actually attacked by a madman: “I think what’s dangerous about being an actor who does action movies is you think, ‘Well, I can totally handle myself now.’ But if my opponent didn’t know the other half of the routine, I don’t know how well I’d do.” And she talks about how she maintains such a successful long-term relationship with director Len Wiseman: “I think it helps if neither of you is shagging 12 other people at the same time. That’s a hot tip,” she jokes. “I think it’s entirely down to picking the right person. My husband and I are pretty un-Hollywood, you know. Neither of us has tried cocaine, and I think I’ve been drunk once, by accident, in my life.” Could someone please go back in time and remind younger me to start loving Kate Beckinsale way sooner? [Us]

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Charlie Sheen claims that he’s the one who came up with Winona Ryder‘s stage name, but the ungrateful she-beast never gives him any credit: “We were listening to the Doors, to ‘Riders on the Storm.’ [Winona’s] real name is Horowitz. And I said, ‘You know, I’m thinking Winona Ryder sounds cool,’ and she was like, ‘Yeah!’…”[She] never, never gave me credit to this day!” [E!]

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You know, I used to think that Justin Bieber was just a good-hearted kid in an overwhelming situation, but I’m starting to pretty firmly turn the corner. Fuck that boring, entitled douche. He got a speeding ticket this morning on LA’s 101 freeway, claiming that he was “being chased” by unspecified ne’er-do-wells. According to police, “the chase exceeded 100 mph.” Now, I don’t know if the alleged chasers were paparazzi or fans or friends or enemies or Dick Dastardly and Muttley or what-the-fuck, but I do know that ugh Justin Bieber fart bock bock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. [Yahoo!]

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Apparently Seal has moved on from Heidi Klum, just three months since their divorce, reportedly “cozying it up on a yacht with a gorgeous bikini-clad brunette.” He’s also been “smooching,” “working out,” and “goofing.” Sounds pretty fun! Seal’s take: “I’m in an excellent place right now. In a situation like this, your priority is the children. As long as the children are happy, I’m happy.” Okey dokey. [E!]

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• Lady Gaga tweeted that she’s “freaking out” about the new No Doubt album. It’s so funny to remember that underneath the straitjacket made of duck tongues she’s a 26-year-old girl from New York who grew up on Tragic Kingdom just like the rest of us. [JustJared]
• Someone named “Jackson Rathbone” made a baby and then smoked a cigar about it. And then Us Weekly was all, “[he’s] a true ‘Bone Daddy’ now!” and the whole thing made me feel like Encino Man because WTF. [Us]
• Colin Farrell went for a walk. [JustJared]
• Joe Mangianengananananaana kissed his girlfriend, causing E! to go into a fugue state and use the word “hunkster” like it’s English. [E!]
• Sofia Vergara went on vacation to Mexico and stood next to a big cannon. [E!]
• Ringo Starr doesn’t give a SHIT about his 50-year anniversary with the Beatles: “It’s just another number, isn’t it? You know, that’s how it is. … It used to be just two years. Ooh, now five. Now 40.” [ONTD]
• Tom Cruise‘s lawyer says Tom Cruise is “really sad.” [Us]
• Brian Austin Green kissed Megan Fox on the mouth. [E!]
• Ha ha, unlike every 6th grader on earth, Mitt Romney doesn’t know what a Venn diagram is. When reached for comment, he replied, “Sssshhhh! I’m trying to finish Island of the Blue Dolphins before snack.” [BoingBoing]