Hey, you. YOU. Do you like dudes' butts? Do you want to look at some of them and snap your fingers to make them gyrate at your command like some sort of great and terrible god-king? Are you also cool with being a credulous, eager tool of a cynical marketing campaign designed to shill face cream by appealing to your sexual frustration and/or baser erotic curiosities?

WELL THEN CLICK HERE, MY FRIEND. And let the butts wash over you like healing waters.

Oh, wait—follow-up Q. Are you in a crowded but silent coffee shop with your laptop screen visible to the entire neighborhood, including 75 toddlers and 100 grannies? Like I was when I innocently clicked on that link? In that case, learn from my mistake and DO NOT CLICK HERE, MY FRIEND.

I think we can all agree that nothing makes a woman want to buy a $40 tub of unpronounceable skin cream more than some quality time with a bro's pooper.