Ok, Romney family, we get it: Mitt Romney likes being mean to people and then laughing and laughing and laughing about it. His sons made that abundantly clear during their quintet appearance on Conan last night, during which they explained that their father loves Roy Orbison, Will Ferrell, and "pranks." What kind of pranks we talking here, kids? Like, holding a gay kid down and cutting his hair off style pranks? Or simply impersonating a cop style pranks? Did Romney ever prank his kids with a wire hanger like in that comedy film Mommy Dearest? All will be revealed in an awkward Q&A that further proves that Mitt Romney doesn't know what a prank is.

The Romney sons were alarmingly blithe about their dad's physical intimidation-based sense of humor last night, recalling with affection how he loves shoving their faces into food under the guise that they should smell it and the one time that their dad, the Presidential hopeful, wrote "HELP" on the bottom of his friend's shoes before the friend got married so that when the friend kneeled in front of the church, the whole congregation saw the word HELP on his shoes oh my god I'm wiping tears of joy and hilarity from my eyes. The most hilarious part is that Mitt is no longer friends with that guy! You know a prank's good when it causes a friendship to end.


Although Mittens loves dishing it out, as you could probably guess, he's not excellent at taking it. When his son Josh attempted to prank his dad by grabbing his arm as he reached for a light switch leading into a dark and scary basement, the former Massachusetts governor tackled his son and asked, repeatedly, "Was it worth it? Was it worth it?!"

Being a Romney sounds terrifying.

Anyway, vote for Mittens Hildegard Von Horsington Romney if you want a President that's serious about pranking. He'll prank the economy back on track! If Iran gets nukes, he'll prank them with drones! And, most of all, he'll wipe al Qaeda from the face of the earth. That September 11th prank they pulled is inexcusable!