After we learned some new lesbian slang today, Katrina Calavera took the "use it in a sentence" vocabulary rule to an epic new level:

"You want to hear about my date with Hope?" Linda scoffed. "She's a real Gillette blade, let me tell you, and one side of her edge is dull. She's nothing like us real kissing fish. You saw how that chick was my desperation number at Saturday at Aphrodite Bar. Well, I took her back to my place and told her to put on some tunes while I opened a bottle of wine. I expected Lita Ford or Pat Benatar, but Hope chose the Journey CD my brother gave me."

Tammy's eyes widened. "No way!" She regarded her friend with heightened interest and compassion. "You did some missionary work last weekend, that's for certain. If only you weren't such a hopeless tit king! You could have gone home with me and that skinny blonde I was dancing bumper-to-bumper with all night. Connie turned out to be a real sweetheart, and she seemed hip."

Linda groaned. "I'm so sure! You haven't even heard the gory parts yet. I would have been better off with a dishonorable discharge. Wine and this woman did not mix well. She was all juiced up and ready to daddle, or so I thought. Turns out that Hope's a total bambi-sexual, if even that. Things seemed like they were going okay, so I offered to make scissors of her while she fiddled my janey, but she was completely horrified by my suggestion. Our lady fair ended up smearing pink lipstick and mascara all over my blue silk sheets!"

"Wow, you really made her cry? All because you wanted to hold a bowling ball? What did you do then?" Tammy inquired. Tammy was a total kiki, but in all of her adventures with many different ladies, from Molly Dyke to Billie Butch, she had never met a counterfeit muffer at Aphrodite Bar.

Linda shrugged, and finished her last sip of coffee. "What could I do? I tried to calm her down, got her a cab, and finished out the night with my trusty Cantonese groin and the rest of the wine."

Tammy tittered. "I can't even imagine what she would have said if you had brought out your Johnson bar while she was still there!"

Linda shuddered. "It's enough to make a girl's luke positively run cold, knowing that empty pairs of slacks roam among us, even at Aphrodite. Anyway, enough about my horrible sex life. Shall we go for a quick funch in the ladies' room? You can tell me all about your hot night with Connie."

Tammy smiled angelically. "Thought you'd never ask."

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