The Observer's Kat Stoeffel got some fantastic quotes from Victoria Hearst, daughter of former Hearst Corp. chairman Randolph A. Hearst and younger sister of Patty and Anne. Victoria is sponsoring a new online petition asking Hearst Magazines to, as Victoria tartly puts it, "have a moral compass and put [Cosmopolitan] in an opaque bag and make it sold only to adults."

Victoria wasn't always so pious (along with every teenage girl in America, she read Cosmo in high school) — but she noticed the magazine's "disgusting" content after she became a born again Christian in the '90s. Now, she's using her family connections to fight the magazine's "pornographic" features by spamming the corporate board with her own opinions (and those of both "Christian and non-Christian" psychiatrists) on specific articles, confronting members at family reunions, and debating pornography with Hearst CEO Frank Bennack on the telephone. "We had a heated discussion," Victoria told the Observer. "He said, ‘You're making this out like it's black and white,' and I said ‘No, Frank, it's green.'"


(Here's a list of some of the terms the petition supporters are horrified by: Orgasm, thrusting, G-Spot, penis, grinds, clitoris, lube, f-ing, animal-style, missionary, rubbing, butt, pelvis, doggie-style, enter me, push deep inside me, stimulation, rub my clit, friction, gyrate, bullet vibrator, turns me on, vagina, finish, foreplay, shallow thrusting, squeeze my PC muscles, nipples, climax, on top, legs wrapped around his waist, lick the sides of my fabric, tongue, swirling his tounge, orgasmic bliss, licks my clitoris, keep his finger in and twirl it around, strokes, tip of his member, hooking up, i put my feet up so their on his shoulders, grind my lower get the picture.)

The Hearst heiress is clearly more inspired by Jesus than by gender equality — "You remember Helen," she said of former Cosmo EIC Helen Gurley Brown, "sexual revolution, feminism, blah blah blah." — but she has a point: Cosmo can claim it isn't trying to entice teen readers until all the vibrating cock rings in the office run out of batteries, but the magazine still continues to feature teen stars with young fan bases like Dakota Fanning, Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato on its cover. However, as Stoeffel points out, "the good news is that a tween-age Cosmo habit hasn't been proven fatal. Ms. Weider [the campaign's leader] and Ms. Hearst were young readers, after all." Indeed; I still find old, hidden, dog-eared copies of Cosmo stuffed into random drawers in my childhood bedroom whenever I go home to visit, because I was obsessed with reading the "confessions" of couples that fucked on rooftops and sex tips involving doughnuts that even now I still don't quite comprehend. I might not be an anti-porn crusader, but I think I turned out just fine.

Hearst Daughter Joins Christian Campaign to Cover Up [NY Observer]