Many a pearl has been clutched over the gratuitous amount of female nudity on Game of Thrones and, yes, lots of naked ladies have been shown in compromising situations throughout the Seven Kingdoms — so many, in fact, that we often seem to forget that the show is also populated with some extremely handsome dudes.
Sadly, a handful of them have passed on to the Night Lands (RIP [SPOILER], [SPOILER] and [SPOILER]), but there are still some key male players more than worthy of our attention. And by attention, of course, I mean a round of Fuck, Marry, Kill featuring Season 2 power players Tyrion Lannister, Robb Stark and perpetual pout machine Jon Snow. When you think about it, GoT was made for FMK seeing as it includes its fair share of fucking, marrying and chopping people's heads off.
Remember, in the game of FMK, you win or you die.
Quick disclaimer: The kind folks of Jezebel.com do not endorse the killing of anybody, even fictional characters from a popular fantasy series. We do, however, endorse fucking or marrying them.
Why fuck? Well, he is handsome and he claims to be, erm, sizable. He also received his sexual education from several outspoken prostitutes whose affections for him seem to go slightly beyond what he's paying them. You can assume he's picked up some tricks of the trade.
Why marry? Tyrion is clever — perhaps the most clever of anyone in the whole George R.R. Martin universe — and would probably do a decent job of navigating you through the dirty politics of King's Landing. He is a great conversationalist so you would never run out of things to talk about and he always has wine.
Why kill? Well, his family is an absolute nightmare. As much as he's a black sheep, he's sure to have picked up some of their dysfunction. He's also the type who likes to prove he's the smartest in the room and tends to be condescending.
Verdict: Fuck. Tyrion is too dangerous to marry, too enjoyable to kill, and probably has mad bedroom skillz.
Why fuck? As a member of the Night's Watch, Jon Snow is off limits, which adds an element of thrill. He's also dark, broody and has a slew of daddy issues that he could maybe channel sexually. Then there's that face.
Why marry? Our Jonny Snowball is loyal to a T. He takes family very seriously and follows through on his responsibilities.
Why kill? I'm sorry, but Jon Snow is fucking boring. All he ever does is mope and feel sorry for himself even though he has a pet wolf and gets to cuddle with the maid from Downton Abbey in the middle of a glacier. He doesn't even know how to spoon right.
Verdict: Kill. Yes, Kit Harington is handsome, but all Jon Snow is is a sad, boring virgin who takes everything too seriously. [Side note: Dodai was surprised I didn't choose to fuck or marry Jon Snow because he is the "most scarecrow-y" and I don't know what this says about me.]
Why fuck? Robb Stark has only had one love scene in the show's two seasons (I think?) and it was perhaps one of the most mutually passionate and caring of the series thus far.
Why marry? He has a steady conscience and seems to understand the consequences of his actions, but that doesn't weigh him down like it does Snow or it did his father Ned. In fact, Robb seems pleasant, considerate and fun. He respects his mother (up until recently, at least) and seems to value the intelligence of women.
Why kill? Nope. Not going to do it. Long live the King in the North.
Verdict: Marry. marry. Forever marry.