At the Moscow premiere of Men in Black 3 (hhhhhhh), a male Ukrainian reporter tried to kiss Will Smith on his male mouth. Chaos ensued! In video footage, Smith responds, "What the hell is your problem, man?" then backhands the reporter right across the face. Smith then says, "He's lucky I didn't sucker punch him." Now, a couple of things. It has to be absolutely exhausting and infuriating to be a celebrity and feel like your personal space and private life are public property. So screw that reporter for invading that space so aggressively—even if it is, reportedly, his "schtick." But it's also hard to imagine Smith (no stranger to secret gayness rumors) would have reacted with similar violence to a female reporter. He exclaims, "He tried to kiss me on my mouth!" as though man-on-man kissing is a crime obviously punishable by bodily harm. In closing, whatever. Everybody go to your rooms and think about what you did. [TMZ]

"I breastfeed and I'll be breastfeeding until my son is finished," Alanis Morissette announced on the Billy Bush Show, which is a thing. Morissette's son, Ever Imre (that's Gaelic for "typo"), is 16 months old and also shares a bed with Alanis and her husband. "We're definitely skin-on-skin connected as much as possible," Morissette said. "I think it affords the child, when he grows up, to have a lot less therapy to go to." Science! [E!]

WWE wrestler, sometime porn actress, and endearing slow-motion trainwreck Chyna (a.k.a. Joanie Laurer) has collapsed at a porno party. "Chyna was hanging out at the 2012 Exxxotica Expo when she suddenly dropped to floor." She did not require hospitalization, but is currently "resting" at a hotel. Condolences to any Chyna fans planning to attend Friday's XBiz Summit, another porn convention—she has cancelled her appearance. Also condolences to the nation of China. [TMZ]

Raven Symone addressed rumors about her sexuality with an impassioned defense of privacy: "My sexual orientation is mine," she Tweeted. "That is my right as a HUMAN BEING, whether straight or gay." As politically powerful as it can be for celebrities to come out, particularly in the demographic groups to which Symone belongs (people of color, women, Disney Channel celebrities, teenage psychics), she's absolutely right. And if anyone is going to out Symone, it should be Symone herself—not the fucking National Enquirer. [E!]

Justin Bieber maybe possibly broke up with Selena Gomez via Twitter, and I am trying so so so so so so so so so hard to care. "Thank you for the time I had with you but now I have to move on," he wrote in the Tweet, which has since been deleted. Bieber's rep quickly announced that it was a "fake tweet-never on his account or from him." Uh, kay. I guess this means that they will literally be together forever. [E!]

  • Larry King announces that he will be hosting a new talk show called Larry King Now, on a fledgling digital TV network "financed by Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim." If you need me, I'll be over at the cemetery re-baptizing all people not already named "Carlos Slim." [Yahoo!]
  • Zooey Deschanel wants a new haircut. BUT THE WORLD IS A CRUEL PRISON. [Us]
  • Petra Nemcova is maybe dating Sean Penn's mustache. [E!]
  • Here's a crazy detailed timeline of every cast member ever to appear on SNL. []
  • Expressing a desire to be a "true actor," Jackie Chan quits action movies forever. [E!]
  • Ryan Reynolds is poised to star in a Highlander remake, which is weird, because I was pretty sure there could be only one. [Vulture]
  • Dude accused of stalking Mila Kunis pleads not-guilty. [E!]
  • American Idol contestant Phillip Phillips will undergo kidney surgery, despite wanting to "work through the pain." [HuffPo]
  • Willie Nelson picks Snoop Dogg as his "hero." The resulting collective "awwwwwwwwwww" causes one million tsunamis. [Yahoo!]