After 18 hours of deliberation, an Illinois jury found William Balfour guilty for the horrific murders of Jennifer Hudson's mother, brother, and nephew, plus one count each of home invasion, aggravated kidnapping, residential burglary, and possession of a stolen vehicle. An hour before returning the verdict, the jury informed the judge that they were split, but they were able to reach a resolution after further examination of Balfour's cell phone records. Hudson was in attendance as the verdict was read, along with her fiance and sister. Balfour is not eligible for the death penalty, which Illinois abolished last year, but will face life in prison. [MTV]

Mustachioed traffic cone Geraldo Rivera went on Fox & Friends and announced that he had been "raped" by a TSA officer. "I got manually raped by a guy," said Rivera. "This guy, it seemed to me, was getting off on it." When reached for comment, normal humans everywhere replied: :-| [mediaite]

The Lifetime network is planning a reality show centered around the extended family of very very recently deceased celebrity Whitney Houston. The Houston Family Chronicles will focus on Whitney's sister-in-law and former manager Pat Houston, as well as her daughter Bobbi Kristina, mother Cissy, and cousin Dionne Warwick. CeCe Winans will also show up and do stuff. "I'm much smarter, much more of a man I can say than the other show," commented the always relevant Bobby Brown, even though he is not even a little bit involved in this show at all. [Yahoo]

Bristol Palin manages to say something not-horrible for once, speaking out in support of Hillary Clinton's face. "As women, we should resist the urge to laugh at our sisters, both Democrats and Republicans alike," she said. "Plus, Hillary looks good! I think we should give her credit for not having a make up artist following her around and for being comfortable in her own skin." So glad you're all about respect now, Bristol! Pro tip: Some of your "sisters" are gay people who might enjoy your "respect" when it comes to their civil rights. [E!]

The suicide of Russell Armstrong is not the fault of Real Housewives, says Andy Cohen. "I mean, look, we debated 18,000 ways to handle this," Cohen said. "It was tragic. But if anyone in this building or the producers or the production company believed that the show was to blame for what happened, we would not have aired the show no matter what." Noted. [HuffPo]

  • If you have information on the whereabouts of Julio Iglesias's iPad, please call 1-800-GIVEJULIOIGLESIASBACKHISIPADALREADY. [TMZ]
  • Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes hold hands in public like brazen trollops! [E!]
  • John Travolta's lawyer laughs off new accuser's claim of unsolicited maritime naked-hugging. [Reuters]
  • Miley Cyrus gets a nose ring. [People]
  • Jessica Simpson sells her baby's soul to a wizard sells photos of her newborn to the press for $800,000. [Grindstone]
  • Bethenny Frankel allegedly put her mouth on the mouth of The Situation and they both moved their mouths around and, weirdly, nobody filmed it. "100% FALSE," says Frankel's mouth. [GossipCop]
  • Woody Allen DETERMINED to get Lindsay Lohan a fucking Oscar already. [ONTD]
  • Kristen Bell wears pink pants, rides an adorable bike. [infdaily]
  • National Enquirer writes "article" about Brad Pitt's "skinny fetish," because he's always dated thin ladies instead of all those size-22 ingenues running around Hollywood. [ONTD]
  • ABC renews America's Funniest Home Videos. Go kick your dad in the balls. [Deadline]
  • "Thrusting is a huge problem for the children," Kristen Stewart tells Graham Norton. [DailyMail]
  • Derek Hough does a dance with Mother Hough for Mother's Day. So basically instead of a present you got her a job shadow. Maybe on Sunday I'll let my mom come over and read entertainment news feeds all day. [People]
  • Lark Voorhies is a different age now than she used to be. [Us]
  • Hilarious genius baby goes on the Today Show and tells Natalie Morales that she needs to go take a dump. [HuffPo]
  • Matthew McConaughey once wrestled a cow. But it's cool. Bygones, man. []