Last night, Oscar winning director Woody Allen and professional trainwreck Lindsay Lohan were seen dining together at "fancy-schmancy" restaurant Phillippe. Apparently they've been discussing the idea of LL starring in a future Woody Allen flick. He loves a pretty young muse; she needs some credibility. Win-win? [TMZ]

Here's that picture of shirtless, tatted-up "rock star" Tom Cruise you didn't ask for. (In character for Rock of Ages.) [Celebuzz]

As Tan Mom told us last week, those who don't like her are jealous, fat and ugly. Now she's graciously narrowing the field a bit by saying that "Snoopy" – aka Snooki — is the fat, disgusting one after the pickle fanatic suggested Patricia Krentcil was "crazy" for allegedly taking her kid to a tanning salon. "She's the biggest asshole in the world," said Tan Mom. "She's fake, she's fat, her tits are fake, she's disgusting." And the salon vs. spray tan feud continues. [TMZ]

Like Reese Witherspoon and Drew Barrymore before her, January Jones might do the impossible and start dating outside the actor pool. With Christie's executive Loic Gouzer trying it on at an screening on Thursday, Jones seemed keen. "She wanted a cigarette. Where did she go?" he told a persistent reporter at the after party, two smokes in hand, before spending the rest of the night with her. [NYDN]

Speaking of non-specials, it would appear that Casper Smart has hit the rebound jackpot, with his slightly more successful girlfriend Jennifer Lopez saying she's looking to pop out some more babies. "It would be a blessing… [Kids] just bring so much joy and happiness to your life, [and] they just bring you right back down to earth," she says, adding that she sometimes feels guilty as a single mom. "There's the guilt that comes along with it. You leave and they go, 'Don't go to work, Mommy!'" [People]

  • It's no surprise that parents who cater to their child's every whim often turn out the most insufferable human beings, but at least Jay-Z is owning up to it. Saying that while he and Beyoncé will try their best with Blue Ivy it's all but guaranteed she'll end up a spoiled brat. "Well, I mean, everyone imagines they'll be a great dad. Until they're teenagers saying, ‘Get away from me, Dad. You're embarrassing me!' Right? Everyone imagines that, right?" he said. "I imagine I'll take things I learned from my mom and things I've learned from raising my nephews and apply that. Then at the end of the day, I just know I'll probably have the worst, spoiled little kid ever." [E!]
  • Despite raising their daughter to be an impossible little monster who will no doubt cause many a nanny to consider child slapping, Beyoncé says she's as down-home as they come and even does her own makeup on occasion. [People]
  • Anderson Cooper opened up the doors of the renovated Greenwich Village firehouse he calls home to host the book party of gay-lister Andy Cohen, who just released this summer's beach read, "Most Talkative: Stories From The Front Lines Of Pop Culture." [Page Six]
  • As if there weren't enough reasons to avoid marriage Helena Bonham Carter has added another one the pile, saying that she and Tim Burton are simply too lazy. [NYDN]
  • That aside, congrats to Julie Benz who just married her boyfriend, Rich Orosco. [NYDN]
  • You can stop crying and shaking uncontrollably, the feud between Ashton Kutcher and Miranda Lambert is officially over. [NYDN]
  • Confirming his love for Selena Gomez, at this stage Justin Bieber seems to be intentionally baiting his band of rabid Beliebers. [NYDN]
  • Meet Justin Bieber's new mentor, Floyd Mayweather. [TMZ]
  • People who are actually gluten intolerant cop a lot of shit because of it, but Kim Kardashian says it's, like, a totally great weight loss plan. [Us]
  • It's the divorce that will never end, and not in the good, car-crash viewing way, but Kim Kardashian's lawyer says the hold up is due to tender feelings of one Kris Humphries. [NYDN]
  • More on the feelings front, Liam Hemsworth is "really sad" over The Hunger Games' director kerfuffle. [E!]
  • Kevin Costner almost didn't speak at Whitney Houston's funeral. [E!]
  • Kelly Osbourne confirms it wasn't hate at first sight when she met her brother Jack's new kid, Pearl. [Us]
  • Speaking o' babies, Marion Cotillard's wee sprog is pretty cute. [Us]
  • As if we all haven't collectively masturbated to him enough, the first shots of Christopher Meloni on the set of True Blood are starting to bubble to the surface. [Us]
  • Tina Fey came up with a nifty way to sidestep criticism over any potential weight gain post-high school. "I had a good one," she said of her yearbook quote. "We had to fill in the blank: 'Five years from now I will be...' and mine was 'very, very fat.' I figured if I'm not, then it's like, 'You're not!' And if I am, I'm like, 'I know – I called it!'" [People]
  • You don't want to piss off Lorne Michaels lest you want to spend the rest of your days on the receiving end of relentlessly nasty SNL impersonations, but that's exactly what Rihanna did when she called in sick to dress rehearsal and then turned up at show time looking a-ok. [TMZ]
  • In Rihanna's defense, she'd been tweeting about being sick all day. [Twitter, Twitter]
  • Shaquille O'Neal has just earned his PhD in organizational learning and leadership with a specialization in human resource development. [Radar]
  • Not content with being sprung by the paps in his board shorts, Mark Wahlberg decided to strip down to his manties. [Daily Mail]