Breathe a sigh of relief, everyone — Pippa Middleton is probably not going to get into anymore trouble with the Inspector Clouseau after one of her fellow car passengers waved a fake gun at a paparazzo in France. Under French law, Pippa's friend could face up to two years in prison for brandishing even a fake gun, but unless a witness steps forward, French police can't investigate the incident based on photo evidence alone.

Pippa's not getting off the hook that easy, though. Rumor has it that the Middleton clan is giving her a good tongue-lashing behind closed doors and sister Kate has suggested through thin, trembling lips that her sister grow the fuck up and hang out with people who don't think they're extras in Rebel Without a Cause. [E!]

Miley Cyrus was rushed to the ER Monday night after slicing her finger open with a kitchen knife. The singer was reportedly cooking for her family in her Toluca Lake home when she slipped, bathing the kitchen tile in an arterial spray that totally grossed out boyfriend Liam Hemsworth, who nonetheless took her to the hospital. [TMZ]

Richard Gere and his wife Carey Lowell are the proud proprietors of the Bedford Post, a boutique sex getaway hotel in upstate New York. The couple designed the entire place themselves with only one thing in mind: "Sex," says Gere, "every choice in here was about sex." It's safe to assume, then, that they put a giant heart-shaped jacuzzi in every room and that all the hotel's TVs are able to access a closed circuit channel featuring the couple's own bedroom. Sexy times in Bedford. [CNN]

Alec Baldwin has finally revealed what exactly happened when he got kicked off of an American Airlines flight for using his cellphone — he was hypnotized by a beautiful flight attendant and led demurely back into the airport like a cow on its way to the butcher block. Speaking at the National Press Club in Washington, Baldwin said, "A very young Asian-American woman, who was a very breathtakingly beautiful woman and very serene, she said, 'Mr. Baldwin, would you gather your things and come with me, please.' And it just kind of had this narcotic effect on me. It was like ... she just spoke very quietly and very calmly. And they threw me off the plane." [CNN]

Something wonderful is going to happen this summer in New York — Kevin Kline and Meryl Streep are, for the night of June 18 only, going to play Romeo and Juliet in Central Park to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the Public Theater's Shakespeare in the Park series. Al Pacino's going to be there too, receiving some kind of an accolade for his role in The Merchant of Venice as Shylock, a character I've heard he managed to play with minimal yelling. [AP]

A new book reveals that Simon Cowell lost state X Factor secrets when his wallet and laptop were pilfered after a one-night stand. According to a new book, the alligator-skinned womanizer allegedly met a woman at a nightclub and, after a night of naked stuff that it's probably better not to imagine, he woke to find his precious laptop missing. No big deal, though — the woman returned his laptop, keeping cash from Cowell's wallet as a finder's fee. [Daily Mail]

  • Josh Hutcherson adopted a pit bull puppy and the results have so far been adorable. Big mistaking posting pictures of the dog, though, because now I'm going to steal it and create a Lindbergh baby situation. [Buzzfeed]
  • Kanye West would like to assure everyone that he never said that Kim Kardashian was his Beyoncé, because, much unlike Beyoncé, Kim doesn't have any talents other than attracting men who don't really seem to appreciate her political acumen. [Us]
  • Kim Kardashian might totally run for political office, so you don't have to worry about writing her in. [E!]
  • The Jersey Shore house was vandalized because of course it was. If this keeps up, in a few years, a Friday the 13th scenario is going to develop there and promiscuous kids are going to start being killed by a machete-wielding Situation. [HuffPo]
  • Howard Stern, a man with hair so remarkably thick and curly that he could be his very own American Girl doll, has lost a $300 million lawsuit against Sirius XM Radio. Stern sued the company last March, arguing that he was owed a huge stock-based bonus because the number of Sirius subscribers exceeded the company's initial forecasts, but he signed his initial contract with XM Radio four years before Sirius bought the company. [AP]
  • Hollywood's most virile sex gladiator Zac Efron wasn't even a little bit nervous about his love scenes with Taylor Schilling in their new movie The Lucky One. He even brought his own condoms, but the crew told him awkwardly that he wouldn't be having any real sex because it was just make-believe, like the sex-stubble aura his PR person is trying to create for him. [People]
  • Does a $20,000 sports bra seem like an unreasonable waste of resources and craftsmanship? What if that bra would then be worn by Britney Spears while she filmed a really sweaty segment for her new "Twister Dance" video game? The bra, created by BodyRock, is covered in gold and Swarovski crystals, but the big money went into its 18K gold zipper, which, if you're wondering, was an absolutely necessary touch because gold has natural hydrating qualities or whatever. We've come to expect celebrities to wear pointlessly expensive pieces of clothing, so it might not really bother you that Britney wore this. It should bother you, however, that someone had to literally burrow into the earth's crust to find this bra's raw materials. [NYDN]
  • Paz De La Huerta ate a burrito today. That's all. [HuffPo]