Brittney Griner, the 6'8" powerhouse who lead the Baylor Bears to the NCAA women's basketball championship last night, is a phenomenal athlete and a helluva ball player. So good, in fact, that her detractors have found a totally original and hilarious way to insult her: by calling her a man.
Griner could probably kick the ass of most other human beings if the situation called for it. She's got arm muscles that appear to be bigger than my head, and she can dunk over your dad. She's so dominating on the court that Notre Dame coach Muffett McGraw said she played "like a guy" (not that she looked or acted like a guy; that she played basketball like she was bigger and stronger than the players around her). She's unquestionably one of the best women's college basketball players in recent years.
Brittney Griner also talks with a low voice and doesn't wear makeup while she plays, which means she looks a little different than her beponytailed teammates. Is this everyone's cue to go act like a dickhead about it on the internet?! YES! It is!
Before, during, and after the game last night, the good people of Twitter took it upon themselves to act like the collective butthole we know they're capable of being by snickering at how manly man mcman Griner is. They offered such tidbits of genius like, "it's a shame Brittney Griner's sanctimonious basketball skills are overshadowed by her sounding/looking like a man," "Why is Brittney Griner so good at basketball? Because she's actually a man. #haveyouheardhertalk," "My prediction: Baylor's national championship will be vacated once it is confirmed that Brittney Griner is, in fact a man...", and "I hope @SkyDigg4 walks up to Brittney Griner at the end of this game n asks her - MAN pull your D*ck out!? *Pun Intend #NCAAWomensBasketball." First, "sanctimonious basketball?" I'm not sure I gather. Second, calling Brittney Griner — or any woman who demonstrates proficiency at a typically "masculine" skill — a man doesn't accomplish anything but make you sound like an asshole with sour grapes shouting into the great white nothing of the internet. An insult's only an insult if the person you're insulting cares. And a woman at the top of her game with a trophy case full of awards to prove it probably doesn't give a flying phallus if you, a male Twitter user, don't want to go to fuck her, or if you, a female Twitter user, have prettier hair or more frequently wear lipstick.
Brittney Griner is a big, strong woman who can ball. Get the fuck over it.