Good morning! If you've logged into your commenting account today with your username and password, you may have been prompted to convert your account to third-party authentication, using either Twitter, Facebook, or Google. What fuckery is this? Allow me to explain.
Why are you doing this to me?!
We're making this change for security purposes — namely to enhance your security as a user on our sites. By tying your commenting account to a Twitter, Facebook, or Google account, we're putting our account security layer in the hands of some of the best in the business — major sites with more security expertise and resources than anyone else on the web.
Do I really have to?
Not necessarily. You only need to convert your account if you currently log into our sites with an old-school username and password. If you were already logging in via Twitter or Facebook, you're as safe as a baby sloth at a sanctuary.
Okay, FINE. How do I convert my account?
The conversion process is pretty simple. If your account needs converted, you should be prompted to do so when you login, or you will see a message prompting you to do so in the notification drop-down at the top right of the page, then simply follow the prompts to transition your account to whatever service you prefer.
Does converting mean I'll lose my "identity"? My sense of self?
Nope! The same username will display on all your comments. Your storied history will still appear on your profile page. I promise things are exactly the same as before; you're just going to log in using a different method. The rest is between you and your mental health professional.
Will people be able to see my Twitter/Facebook/Google account on this site?
Oh lord, no. The only thing visible to other users will be the screen name you set on our site and any other information you explicitly add to your profile. You may log in via Twitter/Facebook/Google, but no one on the site will know what your Twitter/Facebook/Google account is unless you add this information to your profile. It's all you. We're not touching that business with a ten-foot pole.
As for whether or not your activity on our sites will show up on Facebook (if you choose to use a Facebook login versus Twitter or Google): no.
What about my anonymity, that which has emboldened me so?
To reiterate: Your IRL accounts will not be visible to anyone and are purely for login purposes. That said, some of you may prefer not to tie your commenting account to one of your IRL accounts. Maybe you're on the lam, have something to hide, or are just sketchy, shadowy type. WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? Actually, we don't want to know. It's fine — if absolute no-matter-what anonymity is a concern, you should just create and use an anonymous account from one of these services.
What if I need help?
We want to make this process as painless as possible, so if you have any trouble, concerns, or complaints, please send an email to email@example.com. There are real live human beings there who will assist you as best as possible.
I'm scared. Why is it so cold in here?
C'mere, little unicorn. It's gonna be okay.