While there is no denying the addictive brilliance of Downton Abbey I'd smother the Dowager Countess myself if it meant that Amy Poehler and Rachel Dratch could find a place on the show. Interviewing Dratch for her new memoir "Girl Walks Into a Bar…: Comedy Calamities, Dating Disasters, and a Midlife Miracle," Poehler takes several conversational left turns and ends up speaking about how great it would be to chuck it all in and go and live in Ireland where they would inevitably find themselves as sexy 1800s strumpets. "And having an affair with, like, Lord Worthington who lives upstairs," said Poehler. "In all those Upstairs Downstairs kind of shows, all those Downton Abbeys, you and I would for sure be downstairs." To which Dratch replied: "We should do a comedy version of Downton Abbey where we are the maids." How could that not be the hit of new season line-up? [The Daily Beast]

Liam Hemsworth's mouth might be saying "Thanks for making The Hunger Games the number one movie in the world," but his eyes are saying: "Oh, dear lord, I'm never going to be able to walk out of the house without being accosted by rabid fans ever again." [E!]

Unfazed by the Daily Mail's constant attack on her looks and lifestyle – including this rather savage timeline of terror posted right before her wedding – Kate Moss assured a journalist she spoke to back in January that while she doesn't take it personally she doesn't get their obsession with her aging process. "I don't know. 'Cause it's the Daily Mail?" she said. "They just get on everyone's tits, don't they?" Sidebar: The New Yorker piece on the Daily Mail's terrifying success makes for great, depressing reading. [New Yorker via The Cut]

Angelina Jolie says that her child army – along with all of those who can't let go of the fact that she's with someone who had a life before her – are besides themselves at the prospect of seeing their mom play the villain on the big screen in Maleficent. "I'm having a lot of fun. I've already got my horns fitted. My kids are very happy," she said. "It's not anti-princess, but it's the first time they're looking at this epic woman [in a different way]. I hope in the end you see a woman who is capable of being many things, and just because she protects herself and is aggressive, it doesn't mean she can't have other [warmer] qualities. You have to figure out the puzzle of what she is." [US]

Though many women enjoy the wondrous process of carrying a child, a lot don't. Jessica Simpson has more reason than most to want that thing out of her, seeing as she's been pregnant for as long as our booze-addled collective memory takes us. "I had a great pregnancy. Eating and not having to worry too much about it has been fun. Taking a break from working out has definitely been fun," she said. "But I'm ready for it to be over. I'm ready to have my body back!" [NYDN]

  • He could afford to get his floors refinished daily but that's beside the point for Diddy, who asks that all of his guests remove their shoes upon entering his home and put on some specially made slippers. [Page Six]
  • Naomi Campbell has been named as the primary homewrecker in the divorce lawsuit brought on by Russian billionaire Vladimir Doronin's estranged wife – despite the fact that the model got with him seven years after they split. [Page Six]
  • Unsure who to dislike more, Julianna Margulies has some harsh words for cheating politicians and the wives silly enough to stand by them in light of damning evidence. [Page Six]
  • Responding to YouTube's decision to ban her "Girl Gone Wild" video for those under 18, Madonna simply asks: ""How can you go wild and not grind?" [Page Six]
  • I'm not saying that producer and DJ Deadmau5 is wrong for being pissy with Madonna for making a drug reference onstage in Miami, it's just that with her new album titled "MDNA" he shouldn't be shocked. [Page Six]
  • Update! Madonna says she's sowwy with a bit of a smart-assy reply. [MTV]
  • Those of you who like to take the lead in rescue fantasies can now add a little bloody Ryan Gosling into the mix. [E!]
  • Justin Bieber's advice to young men on how to be the best boyfriend you can be is straight out of your uncle's mouth: "To be a great boyfriend you just have to have patience. You're always wrong when it comes to girls, you're always wrong, so just say sorry when things are rough." [E!]
  • Some random Texans are rightfully pissed at Justin and are suing him after he Tweeted a number very close to theirs and asked his army of female fans to call him. [The Sun]
  • Break out the champale, Lindsay Lohan is almost off formal probation for the first time in over four years [TMZ]
  • Evan Rachel Wood and Jamie Bell join the list of celebs wearing rings on "that" finger. [E!]
  • Now that The Hunger Games is on the scene does anyone care about Twilight anymore? Here is Kristen Stewart sporting some red contacts in the new trailer if you dare to care. [People]
  • Kendra Wilkinson comes off pretty great when discussing her lack of talent: ""I never ever see myself as a celebrity or famous so I poke fun at that. I just say what I do. I have no talent. I have nothing to offer." [People]
  • When it comes to fucking around with your face, Diane Keaton says "never say never." [People]
  • Though fans of Grease 2 and her awesome dance scene might disagree, Michelle Pfieffer says she walked around looking like "a bag lady" for much of the '80s. [US]
  • Running scared after the terrifying flour attack, Kim Kardashian is looking to buy Victoria and David Beckham's huge English mansion. [US]
  • We saw photos of Brian Austin Green attacking a pap yesterday, but we didn't see Brian Austin Green doing it in wet, see-through shorts. [WOW]
  • Okay, this is pretty good: Meat Loaf was confused with actual meatloaf during a Fox News broadcast. [Mirror]
  • Gavin Rossdale got arrested in his underpanties, albeit for his role in Bling Ring. There's a joke in there somewhere. [WOW]