Just as you were getting up this morning Rihanna was on the princess phone telling her bestie Katy Perry about the non-stop fuckathon she'd just enjoyed at Ashton Kutcher's place. We're guessing. Photographed pulling into the driveway of his LA home late last night, complete with security detail, the singer had a half-assed sleepover and was spotted creeping back out circa 4am. Sure, this doesn't mean that they were hanging out of each other all night but they've never seemed to be extremely close friends and how often do randoms get together for chaste first dates or deep conversations over chardonnay and Brie post-midnight? Exactly. Though Ashton is said to be dating Lorene Scafaria I'm calling booty call on this one. If I had a gavel I'd be using it right about now. [TMZ]

Gene Simmons is getting on the pointless, yet mildly entertaining, musician feud bandwagon by saying that Rihanna's a total show pony and little more. "We're sick and tired of girls getting up there with dancers and karaoke tapes in back of them," he said. "No fake bullshit. Leave that to the Rihanna, Shmianna and anyone who ends their name with an A." Damn those girls, amirite ladies? Pretty rich coming from the grown-ass man who still gets around in capes and kabuki drag. [E!]

It seems that Chris Brown's revived career is officially a thing, because he's teamed up with Nicki Minaj on the third track to be released from her sophomore album, "Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded" – co-dependent anthem "Right By My Side." Le sigh. [Hip Hop Music]

Rehab, schmehab, The Situation is totally dedicated to turning his life around — so long as it doesn't impact on any other aspect of his party-hard lifestyle. "Mike doesn't want to give up his paid club promotional appearances: he loves the attention that he gets from the ladies and the money is great," says an enabler. "Mike leads a very expensive life and he doesn't want his lifestyle to suffer because of his decision to go to rehab. He is very upset that stint in rehab has become public knowledge, because he doesn't want it to affect his bottom line. Mike's brother handles his club appearances and he has been telling club managers that Mike has no plans on giving up the nightlife." [Radar]

Madonna has set the bar high, and a little creepy, when it comes to any potential suitors. "It's about finding a man you can look up to, and comparing them to archetypes that I obviously adore — John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, Bruce Lee, Abraham Lincoln," she said. "I name people who I look up to and admire. I compare the object of my affection to all these people." Her current boyfriend, Brahim Zaibat, must be quite the disco dancing, presidential martial arts enthusiast. That, or he's just great in bed. [Page Six]

Susan Sarandon says that woman in Hollywood can still be desirable at the age of 65, as long as they can manage to sidestep the near-inevitable drug and alcohol addictions. "I'm happy to be considered desirable. I love it!" she said. "It's true there aren't that many good parts. I've had my disappointments. It's hard to be in this business and not be an alcoholic or a drug addict or bitter as an older woman." [People]

  • Ellen loves her some dancing and the world loves a flash mob, so there ain't no way that this one in support of jcpenney's decision to keep her on as spokesperson will not get a little airtime on the show. [Philly Mag]
  • Elizabeth Banks took a personal day on her recent European Hunger Games press trip to enjoy the rich and tragic history of Berlin. Which, in this instance, included fooling around with some Star Wars-obsessed folk in front of the Brandenburg Gate. [Elizabeth Banks]
  • Today in adorable: Michelle Obama says that she has two girls and a boy, the extra kid being their dog, Bo. [People]
  • Secret Service agents were staying tight-lipped while posted outside a restaurant where Michelle Obama was giving a talk. But they had no qualms about alerting paps to Beyoncé's whereabouts. [NYDN]
  • Though she's not denying that she called Beyoncé and Shakira's duet "Beautiful Liar" a piece of shit, Katy Perry says the media is the one making her sound bitchy. [E!]
  • Katy continues to confuse us by hanging out with – and possibly off – Karl Lagerfeld's Chanel manbag, Baptiste Giabiconi. [Celebuzz]
  • It's a bit of a slow news day so, yeah, I'm going to tell you that Adam Levine shaved his noggin. [E!]
  • Carnie Wilson has undergone lap-band surgery for the second time. They say that third time's a charm but let's hope she gets to where she wants sooner. [E!]
  • Tom Hanks is trying his best to distance himself from the time he took to the stage at his son's school with a fellow parent dressed in blackface in 2004. [E!]
  • Jennifer Lawrence thinks she looks like a troll, but is happy she managed to hoodwink the casting agents of Hunger Games just long enough to land a role. [US]
  • Sarah Jessica Parker has "reached out" to Carrie 2.0 to offer her advice on the upcoming SATC prequel, The Carrie Diaries. But only by letter, which seems a bit rough and turn of the century. [US]
  • Fans of corpsing take note, Alec Baldwin says they're planning another 30 Rock live show. [Vulture]
  • It may shock you to learn but Gwyneth Paltrow is calling bullshit on her Mean Girls spat with Kate Moss. [Daily Mail]
  • In further Gwyneth news, the actress asks her deceased dad's wedding ring for advice. Which is actually really sweet and not as crazy as it sounds. [The Sun]